Who Hijacked Our Country

Saturday, January 22, 2005

SpongeBob

Whew!! We’ve been saved again. While most of us were just going our merry way, oblivious to the evils lurking in our TV sets, a brave band of moral guardians has vanquished another enemy at the gates.

Most of us had no idea of the danger we were in. You, too, probably thought SpongeBob was just an innocent – if wacky – cartoon character. Well, we were all duped, and we’ll never know how close we were to the edge. He’s gay! And he wants to corrupt millions of American children and turn them into – oh, it’s too awful to think about.

We owe our survival to two Christian activist groups, the American Family Association and Focus on the Family.

At least Jerry Falwell can be assured that when he finally goes to his reward, his work will be carried on by plenty of like-minded saviors. It was Falwell who alerted us to the menace of the Teletubbies in 1999. One of them was gay, and the Teletubbies’ audience was mostly toddlers, some as young as one year old. Just imagine – some infants might have started turning gay before they even learned to speak. (What would their first words be?) If the Good Reverend Jerry hadn’t alerted us in time, our grade schools might be inundated right now with armies of militant 7-year-old homosexuals.

And, let’s give credit where it’s due. Jerry Falwell probably learned a lot from the Reverend Donald Wildmon, who went on a TV censorship crusade during the 1970s and ‘80s. And he didn’t just go after the obvious dangers – sitcoms with suggestive language, violent police dramas, etc. His most astute discovery: the cartoon series Mighty Mouse contained references to drug use.

Evil is lurking everywhere. Please save us.


11 Comments:

Blogger Arancaytar said...

Hilarious ^_^ !

Wonderfully written...

I bet Frodo and Sam are gay too; Tolkien was in the closet for all his life and Peter Jackson is as well, or he wouldn't have made that movie, right? They're taking over the world! Please, oh mighty Bush, deliver us from evil! :P

January 22, 2005 at 2:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cant believe people actually take Fallwell seriously. Funny post! Thanx for the laugh :) ~Cat~

January 22, 2005 at 5:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didnt think SpongeBob was gay. I did want to know why when I watch the cartoon all the time. Alot of those things looks like penises and balls.. LOL

January 22, 2005 at 7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your post is humorous, but not accurate, and misleading. The groups aren't stating that Sponge Bob is gay. The We Are Family foundation's video features various cartoon characters, the confusion is centered on another orginizations web site that has the same name and promoted HOMOs.

January 22, 2005 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger Kip said...

I always wondered why my he-man football playing, wrestling self was so repulsed, yet at the same time strangely attracted to the television when SpongeBob was on. I want a big shout-out for Falwell and Dobson for keeping me safe from subliminal homoeroticism. God knows, where it could lead, possibly pro wrestling? Everyone knows that the real reason half-naked sweaty men wrestle on TV is reinforce real male machismo!

January 22, 2005 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Sparkle said...

Don't be a pig. Sponge Bob is not gay. The cartoons are not trying to turn people gay, only promote tolerance. How can that be bad? Nothing can turn a person gay but genetics and sexy-same-sexers combined with repulsive-opposite-ones.

I cannot believe the amount of conservative blogs on here. Being gay is not evil. Get a brain.

January 22, 2005 at 5:36 PM  
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January 22, 2005 at 6:43 PM  
Blogger 'neice said...

Ya know...I am a Christian and I think they are NUTS!!! There are things I agree with that Focus on the Famiy does...this? Not even close...some people's kids!

January 22, 2005 at 7:57 PM  
Blogger Samuel Marzioli said...

Leave it to liberals to not understand the issues. As has already been said, none of the groups care or have complained that Spongebog was gay. That was an idea introduced by the NY Times to explain why gay men are so fond of the cartoon character. It was bloggers that misunderstood the suggestion and accused Dobson and Focus of being "idiots" for thinking such things. I wrote a blog explaining this already. While I might not agree with Dobson on this, it is far from loony for him and his group to complain about the issue. The reason is centered in morality; something liberals always have a hard time understanding. Check out my blog for more details

January 23, 2005 at 3:07 PM  
Blogger panthergirl said...

Another terrific blog post about this issue.

As far as the comment above mine, well... Dobson is certainly one to talk about "morality". This is a man who suggests hitting children with a "switch". Yes, a fine upstanding citizen, that Dobson. It's the fundies that have a twisted idea about morality, not the liberals.

January 26, 2005 at 3:55 AM  
Blogger Benjamin Solah said...

lol, very funny look at it, people can be so stupid, especially the right

January 27, 2005 at 5:58 AM  

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