Top Priority for the FBI

We’ve all seen movies and TV shows about heroic FBI agents. They risk life and limb as they come storming in to rescue — Corporate CEOs. Without the fearless determination of the FBI, nobody would be safe from — Eco-Terrorists!

While liberals and other America-haters are whining about the war in Iraq, Katrinagate and crushing deficits, the FBI is concentrating on our biggest threat. “Eco-terrorist” groups such as the Earth Liberation Front have been vandalizing and sabotaging construction sites in Western Washington (among other places).

The FBI has now targeted “eco-terrorists” as a top priority. The Building Industry Association of Washington has offered rewards of up to $100,000 for information leading to the arrest and conviction of activists who damage construction sites.

The Earth Liberation Front (ELF) has claimed responsibility for vandalizing SUVs and housing construction sites. An FBI Special Agent said the ELF “has emerged as a serious terrorist threat.” Oookay.

Obviously vandalism and sabotage are serious crimes. But Terrorism? A top priority for the FBI? Money talks — in this case it’s shouting. Most crime victims don’t have $100,000 to throw around for “protection.”

Maybe Halliburton could get a no-bid $30 million contract to build new strip malls in Washington. Blackwater Mercenaries could come up from New Orleans and offer a little “frontier justice” to those wicked “terrorists.”