America’s Wackiest Death Cult

Yes, there are some perverted sickfuck Death Cults out there. No, these aren’t wild teenagers listening to Rap and Heavy Metal.

These Death groups have happy-sounding Christian names: Family Research Council; National Abstinence Clearinghouse; and the Christian Medical and Dental Association. But these groups are fixated on death, make no mistake about it.

OK, backing up a little – cervical cancer strikes 10,000 American women each year. 4,000 of them die. Cervical cancer is almost always caused by a virus. And now scientists have developed a vaccine that kills this virus.

Isn’t this great news?!? That is, unless you’re a member of one of the above-mentioned Death Cults.

You see, this virus is spread through sexual contact. And if you’re a member of a Godfearing Death Cult, then of course you believe that dying a slow death by cancer is better than having pre-marital sex.

While 99.9% of America was grateful for the news of this vaccine, the Death Cults were less than thrilled. Someone from the National Abstinence Clearinghouse said “I personally object to vaccinating children against a disease that is 100 percent preventable with proper sexual behavior.”

A spokesman for the Christian Medical and Dental Association said “this is going to sabotage our abstinence message.”

Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council said he wouldn’t allow his own daughter to receive the vaccine. “It sends the wrong message. Our concern is that this vaccine will be marketed to a segment of the population that should be getting a message about abstinence.”

Uh, OK. Or, if she doesn’t get the message, maybe she can die of cervical cancer, and while she’s flailing on her deathbed she’ll realize the sin she committed. Lesson learned.

This virus has been a favorite scare tactic for abstinence-only textbooks and lectures. “If you commit that sin, you might get cancer.” And now because of this newfangled vaccine, they don’t have the spectre of cervical cancer to wave in anyone’s face any more. What’s a Deathmeister to do?