Republicans: “We Care”

The Republican Party is being victimized by vicious leftwing propaganda. The Big Lie — orchestrated by godless liberals — is that Republicans don’t care about “regular people.”

Nothing could be further from the truth. Let’s examine a few of these urban legends.

“Republicans don’t care about working people.” OK, you just try telling that to our hard-working pharmacists. Some of these pharmacists have very strong moral convictions, and yet they’re being forced to give birth control pills to every cheap slut who comes up to the counter! Who do you think is protecting the rights of these downtrodden workers? Republicans!

“Republicans don’t care about the elderly and disabled.” For years, treehuggers have been trying to limit helicopter flights over the Grand Canyon. Something about “solitude” or the “spirituality of nature” or whatever. The corporations who provide these helicopter flights have used their tremendous clout to defeat any limits on helicopter flights. According to company spokesmen, these flights are very very profitable are the only chance for elderly and disabled travelers to get a close-up view of the Grand Canyon. And you thought a large corporation couldn’t have compassion.

“Republicans don’t care about consumers.” Just recently the Senate approved a bill to allow patients to save money by importing prescription drugs from Canada. But Republicans in the House are expected to save the day by defeating this bill. They’re concerned about consumer safety. Sure these drugs will be cheaper, but they might not be safe. Those icky third world Canadians don’t have the same high standards that we have here in America.

And the biggest lie of them all: “Republicans are threatening our right to privacy.” Now just hold the phone! Who’s been hounding that poor Dick Cheney for the last five years about his secret meetings with energy executives? “Who did you meet with?” “What did you talk about?” “We want to know” and on and on and on…And who’s been pestering the Bush Administration with that communist Freedom Of Information Act, again and again and again? The answer is the same in both cases: Democrats! Republicans have been tirelessly fighting for the privacy rights of corrupt politicians, and they will always protect them from public scrutiny and accountability.

If you're a crooked power-crazed politician, your privacy is being defended by Republicans.