Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The War on Christmas

As all decent Americans know, the Homosexual Agenda is the single biggest threat facing our great nation today. But in our eternal vigilance against the Gay Menace, we must not lose focus on some of the other threats to America’s moral fiber.

Take the War on Christmas. Yes, it’s still summer and Christmas is four months away, but we must always be on guard. Secular humanists are slowly but surely chipping away at everything we hold sacred.

“Happy Holidays” is replacing “Merry Christmas” at more and more department stores, and the cancer is spreading. Sam’s Club is the latest American company to turn its back on God. In the August issue of their in-house magazine, they use that blasphemous Happy Holidays nonsense.

Jesus is turning in his grave!

Homosexuals, uppity women demanding abortion, and now a bunch of Pagan cashiers who won’t say Merry Christmas — it’s just unbearable! Christians are being persecuted. And we need to act.

We must pray and pray. Pray often. Pray loudly. And pray some more. And we need to keep on pestering everyone we know with prayers and lectures and sermons until America comes to her senses.


Blogger J. Marquis said...

I've heard about those secret Casherian rituals...they sneak around town at Christmastime and paint mustaches on any Virgin Mary left unguarded at a Nativity scene.
Those fiends!!

August 29, 2006 at 9:05 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

J. Marquis: This is shocking indeed. These anti-Christian fiends are even more wicked than I thought.

August 29, 2006 at 11:12 PM  
Blogger BaxterWatch said...

oh my god. tell me you are being sarcastic. please tell me you are being sarcastic....

August 30, 2006 at 5:31 AM  
Blogger frstlymil said...

Hey I have a question about "The Homosexual Agenda" - I've looked all over the internet, at Barnes and Noble and Amazon - but can't seem to find a copy anywhere. Do you happen to know where we can get one? I've got some gay friends who are feeling very out of the loop because they don't exactly know what it's all about. Me, I'd just be interested in finding out what it is.

August 30, 2006 at 6:12 AM  
Blogger Brad said...

I'm totally already stocking up my arsenal for this year's War on Christmas! It's gonna be so much better than last year and this time we're gonna finally win! Byaah!

August 30, 2006 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Baxterwatch: Sarcastic??? Well **harrumph!** I'll have you know, the Lord speaks to me and I type His words directly onto the Internets :)

Frstlymil: Hmmm, I couldn't find anything either. I guess you'll have to ask the American Family Association, since they seem to know exactly what it is.

Brad: Yup, this year we're gonna get 'em. Those poor persecuted Christians, they only make up 90% of the population and control almost every institution in this country -- they won't stand a chance.

August 30, 2006 at 12:03 PM  
Blogger I.M. Dedd said...

Tom, last December someone wished me a "Happy Gay Holiday."

Oh, truly, we must pray. Pray, pray and pray.

August 30, 2006 at 2:58 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

I.M. Dedd: "Happy Gay Holiday"? Oh my God, it's getting worse; we're losing the Culture Wars.

August 30, 2006 at 3:39 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

What I don't understand is the idea that Christmas is even a Christian holiday anymore. It's just a shopping fest. The people who ruined Christmas have succeeded, and they didn't do it by getting rid of "Merry Christmas" and substituting "Happy Holidays."

August 30, 2006 at 3:55 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

You know what the Republicans need to do...provide evidence that Iran has declared war on Christmas.
Talk about your multitasking!

August 30, 2006 at 4:32 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Elizabeth: So true. I doubt if those millions of Christmas shoppers are wrapped up in Jesus. It's 99% commerce. And that time of year has always been a holiday. The Christians stole it from the Pagans, who stole it from...

J. Marquis: Hey, there you go. If the neocons ever got good at multi-tasking -- God, don't even go there.

August 30, 2006 at 5:51 PM  
Blogger Mike V. said...

I'm thinking of having a war on arbor day.

August 31, 2006 at 6:45 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mike: Yeah, Arbor Day, there you go. And just wait 'til the War on Mother's Day. When the institution of the Family is destroyed, the Communist / Homosexual Agenda will be complete.

August 31, 2006 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger L said...

don't forget about the war on easter!

September 2, 2006 at 9:20 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

L: Yup, the war on Easter too. We're gonna persecute those poor Christians on every front.

September 3, 2006 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

I bet Jesus IS rolling in his grave, because of all the crass commercialism and greed! Heh...

I know, the whole anti-Christmas agenda is awful. Those gays!! Trying to infiltrate our Christmas carols... "Don we now our GAY apparel?" What will it be next? The way they've ruined our patriotic songs is bad enough: "And we'll all feel GAY when Johnny comes marching home..."? (Actually, our school district's music teachers teach those songs in grade schools, but they have the kids substitute the word "glad"!)

I think I will declare a war on Boxing Day, because that can be a day for giving food and other goods to the poor and needy, and we all know those poor people shouldn't get ANYTHING unless they have earned it. It is also a day for selling things at low retail prices after Christmas... even though Boxing Day isn't an American holiday, other countries should be celebrating OUR holidays and they should all be just like us... so, I will declare war on other countries' holidays, and Boxing Day seems like a fun choice. How can we effectively bring Democracy to other countries if we don't eradicate their cultures? Their holidays might be a good place to begin.

But SERIOUSLY... I think the "War on Christmas" began in the minds of a few conservatives who wanted to get people riled up over something that isn't real on such a large scale. Same thing with the "homosexual agenda", which I think must be something that is only imagined in the minds of homophobes. The "persecution of Christians", when it is being shouted about by activist Christians, seems like little more than a way for those activists to trick people into believing that Christians are actually being persecuted, when Christians (particularly the radical rightwing ones) actually control much of what goes on in our country nowadays. If anyone is being persecuted, it is non-believers being persecuted by the religious fanatics... and I fear that may only get worse in our country if things don't change a bit during the next few years.

September 4, 2006 at 4:30 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: Yup, Boxing Day will be the next holiday we can attack. That gets a lot of publicity here since I live right across from Victoria.

It's hard to imagine how Christians, making up 80-90% of the population, could possibly think they're being persecuted. They probably disagreement as "persecution."

Like you say, the commercialization of Christmas is what ruined it. For all practical purposes, it's no more religious than Labor Day or Halloween. It's just a reason to do lots of shopping and partying.

September 4, 2006 at 6:38 PM  

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