Who Hijacked Our Country

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Gathering of the Faithful

If you think pagans, feminists and homosexuals are a threat to America’s moral fiber, mark your calendar for September 22nd through 24th. In Washington, D.C. there’ll be a gathering of decent Christians who feel exactly the way you do.

The Family Research Council, American Family Association and Mouthbreathers For Torquemada are sponsoring the Washington Briefing. Click here to register and to get information on all the fun-filled events. From the Pagan Toss to the Witches' Drowning Pool — there'll be good clean fun for the whole family.

As their website says: “This is more than a conference. It’s a call to ACTION!” You’ll get to hear — In Person! — such living legends as William “The Gambler” Bennett, Man Coulter, Sean “Dude Where’s My Forehead” Hannity, Newt Gingrich and Electrodes “Alberto” Gonzales.

Whooooeeeee!!!! Are you getting hot yet??

In addition to being mesmerized by such visionary speakers, you’ll also have a chance to sponsor a student activist for only $50! As the slogan on their website says: “To Prepare the Leaders of tomorrow, we must start training today.” Amen!

If you want to play a role in keeping America a Fundamentalist Christian nation, as God intended, you MUST attend this important event.

Bring your snakes.


Blogger Ananke said...

You mean Pat Robertson isn't going to be there? I'm disappointed. Who's going to light the "Burn the Non-Believers" bonfire now?

Argh, I just love it when a bunch of twits get together and decide that they speak for the majority. When are they all just going to fade away into obscurity? I know, wishful thinking.....

September 9, 2006 at 1:56 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Ananke: Ah yes, the Burn the Non-Believers Bonfire -- won't be the same without it.

I like your FOAD Thursdays; always a great rant.

September 9, 2006 at 2:49 PM  
Blogger BaxterWatch said...


gingrinch was the commencement speaker at my graduation. My mum almost boycotted my graduation.

This was at Georgia Tech. Apparently he has a doctorate in history or something and spent the whole time talking about technology - thankfully. He might have had a riot on his hands - except we didn't get our degrees until AFTER he spoke.

My brother (notre dame alumn) got Tom Brokaw.

Its all so unfair

p.s. bush is doing a 20 minute "address to the nation" on monday night in honor of 9/11 - and he says its "not going to be political"

September 9, 2006 at 2:55 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

BaxterWatch: Must be a memorable graduation, listening to Gingrich. I know he's very intelligent and knowledgeable; I just don't agree with most of his ideas. And he sure doesn't practice the "morality" he preaches about -- he was having an affair while his first wife was dying of cancer

I'll have to check out Bush's 9/11 speech, just for curiosity. I'll probably watch some of the CBS 9/11 documentary, the one that the American Family Association was trying to ban because of the profane language. Might even watch part of the one on ABC too, just for entertainment.

September 9, 2006 at 3:15 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Mouthbreathers for Torquemada? That's a good one.

Are they connected to the WFA
(Wingnuts for Attila) or
KFC (Kooks for Cromwell) organizations?

September 9, 2006 at 5:18 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

J. Marquis: Yup, MFT, WFA and KFC are all connected. They're all in direct contact with Fred Phelps and Sun Myung Moon.

September 9, 2006 at 6:56 PM  
Blogger Mike V. said...

check this out:


should be an interesting movie.
google the title.

September 10, 2006 at 11:49 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mike: Whew! "Scary Movie" would be a better title. I don't know if you saw Syriana or not, but Jesus Camp seems a lot like the scenes where future suicide bombers were being trained and indoctrinated. Substitute God for Allah and the two cults are practically interchangeable.

September 10, 2006 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger David Schantz said...

I'll go to DC after they change their gun laws. Then and only then would I feel it was a safe place to take the family.

God Bless America, God Save The Republic.

September 10, 2006 at 1:01 PM  
Blogger Mike V. said...

Yea, I saw Syriana and you're right, it is similar.
Good point!

September 10, 2006 at 2:32 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

David: Remember that if you attend this Washington Briefing, you won't need a gun. God will be extending His protective shield on all members of the Faithful, and He will keep you safe :)

Mike: I really liked Syriana. It was hard to follow all those twisting subplots, but the movie was really engrossing.

September 10, 2006 at 3:29 PM  
Blogger Jolly Roger said...

The Elders of Jesusistan are gathering at the appointed hour, in the appointed place, to foster in the land a new beginning-let the teachings of the (new Jesusistan) Jesus go forth now into every American home, and (especially) bedroom, and set this country on the "right" path once and for all!

And those who disagree? Just you wait. We got the stones all polished and ready for them heathens.

September 10, 2006 at 11:10 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Jolly Roger: Yup, they've got their stones all polished and ready to throw. It's time to bring this nation back to God.

September 11, 2006 at 12:57 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

sweet jeebus in a thong..I loved this post..mouthbreathers..I almost shat myself!

I didn't watch abc's hatchet job..I caught the CBS documentry instead.

September 11, 2006 at 1:06 AM  
Blogger frstlymil said...

At least Sun Myung Moon brought us delicious Celestial Seasonings Teas. (I kid you not) Can't think of anything the others have produced other than dividing people in the name of Jee-zuz. I seem to remember something in the sermon on the mount about Jesus warning about those who say that they speak on his behalf . . .

September 11, 2006 at 7:41 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Dusty: I watched parts of both the ABC and CBS documentaries, but not much. The ABC one seemed too convoluted and the CBS one was too depressing (which of course it would be).

Frstlymil: I didn't know Sun Myung Moon was connected to Celestial Seasonings. Small world. At least that's one more contribution than any other Bible group has done. Sermont on the Mount -- that seems to have fallen by the waywide. It's so much more fun to bombard sinners with lectures and warnings.

September 11, 2006 at 12:01 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

PS: "Waywide" was supposed to be "wayside." (Proofread!)

September 11, 2006 at 2:31 PM  
Blogger nicole said...

I'd love to comment on the genius of this ENTIRE post but I'm still too stuck on "mouthbreathers".

September 11, 2006 at 3:17 PM  
Blogger I.M. Dedd said...

Hot Damn! Woodstock for A-holes!!

September 11, 2006 at 3:32 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Nicole: Thanks.

I.M. Dedd: Woodstock for A-holes, perfect description.

September 11, 2006 at 4:00 PM  
Blogger Cassandra said...

Oh my!!! I can't believe I'm going to miss this! I've already made plans to attend a conference called "Rational Discourse in Today's World" featuring atheists and humanists, a rep from the ACLU and Chris Mooney - the guy who wrote "The Republican War on Science."

And I've always wanted to toss a few Pagans... ;-)

September 11, 2006 at 6:57 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Cassandra: A seminar with atheists, scientists and the ACLU? And you chose them over Jesus??? Tisk Tisk.

September 11, 2006 at 8:42 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Cassandra, you are going to hell for sure! Where is the conference you're attending? I might have to check that one out. It might actually be more fun than the carnival midway at the Christian gathering. Stuff like "Whack a Pagan" and the "stoning booth" tend to get old after a while.

Wow, that many nutcases together at once, in one place. Amazing...

September 11, 2006 at 9:06 PM  
Blogger Cassandra said...

About the conference I'll be going to, it's in Independence, OH. Here's a link to the brochure if you're interested.


September 12, 2006 at 3:38 PM  
Blogger yellowdog granny said...

holy shit! that's what ill be standing in...holy shit...little ole pagan goddess believers like me will be tossed into the dunking pond or burned at the stake...i hope it's the dunking pond for me..cause with my big hooters i could be down there for a week and still have time for a dr.pepper break..

September 14, 2006 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Better hope for the dunking pond then. Those people seriously need to get lives.

September 14, 2006 at 6:38 PM  

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