Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Dick Cheney Dies At Walter Reed Hospital

The Vice President of the United States, Dick Cheney, has died at Walter Reed Hospital. He was checked in yesterday for routine tests after a blood clot was discovered. He developed a severe infection due to a rat infestation in his room and a mysterious fungus growing on the walls, and has now died as a result of the infection.

The Vice President has no connection with the U.S. Army — he bragged repeatedly about his five draft deferments and his “other priorities” during the Vietnam War. But somehow the keywords “one heartbeat away” and “commander-in-chief” ended up in his online profile. This caused the Vice President to be sent to Walter Reed for treatment, even though this hospital is ONLY for soldiers and veterans.

The recently-fired General who was in charge of Walter Reed Hospital and the Secretary of the Army (who fired the general and was later fired himself) were seen banging their heads against a wall. (Their own heads, not each other’s.)

A reporter heard them moaning “Why????” “Who Knew????” “We could’ve killed those rats years ago; should’ve scrubbed that mold off the walls back in ’93.” “How were we supposed to know a VIP would be sent here???” “I thought this hellhole was only for grunts, gimps, you know, blue-collar types…”

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Blogger Shimmy said...

Walter Reed Army Hospital is the Dick Cheney Memorial Slum.

March 6, 2007 at 6:45 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Shimmy: Dick Cheney Memorial Slum -- that's a great name for it.

March 6, 2007 at 11:07 AM  
Blogger ChilledBeer said...

hey dude..i thought it was true when i saw your post...went to CNN and realized you pulled one on ur readers.

March 6, 2007 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Chilled Beer: Gotcha :)

March 6, 2007 at 11:25 AM  
Blogger Snave said...

Fantastic post, Tom. As much as assistant commander-in-chief Cheney "supports our troops", it would serve him right to have to be tended to in a substandard, less-than-clean environment which he and his friends would probably try to eliminate if there was a way to do so.

March 6, 2007 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: Thanks. That would sure be poetic if Cheney got the same substandard hospital care that he thinks is just fine for soldiers and veterans.

March 6, 2007 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

Good one!

March 6, 2007 at 4:31 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Excellent, Tom. A rat done in by rats.

March 6, 2007 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger Mile High Pixie said...

LOL! I'm with Chilled Beer--I thought it was real til I read the last paragraph.

But I'm with you Tom: i think the richest among us might rethink the state of healthcare throughout our country if they had to use the same medical facilities that the rest of us must use.

March 6, 2007 at 6:11 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Candace: Thanks.

J. Marquis: Thanks. "A rat done in by rats," good description.

Mile High Pixie: Yup, that sure would be one way to improve health care, making the VIPs use the same facilities that the rest of us use.

March 6, 2007 at 6:26 PM  
Blogger spaceneedl said...

i'm disappointed.

no wingnuts calling you out for wishing the vp into an early dirt-retirement.

at which point you'd smile and say, "it was a joke. i'd never compare the veep to someone who actually served their country. that'd be mean."

March 6, 2007 at 7:57 PM  
Blogger Lizzy said...

Brilliant post.

March 6, 2007 at 9:54 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Spaceneedl: Yeah, I'm surprised there haven't been any rightwing comments yet. But there's still time. "Early dirt-tirement" LOL.

Lizzy: Thanks.

March 6, 2007 at 11:08 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

Hello again. Just thought I'd drop by to, you know, read the headline again. :)

March 7, 2007 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Candace: Yes, it's a nice headline. If only...

March 7, 2007 at 10:33 AM  
Blogger PoliShifter said...

If Only...there's still hope

March 7, 2007 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

PoliShifter: Yup, there's always hope. Sometimes Karma rears its head, so you never know...

March 7, 2007 at 3:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dang it!! You got my hopes up there for a minute.. lol

Great post. Exactly.

March 7, 2007 at 4:23 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Anonymous: Thanks. Didn't mean to get your hopes up like that.

March 7, 2007 at 5:40 PM  
Anonymous Kurt said...

I'll bet Cheney never wore a "blue collar" in his life.
Great post as always.

March 8, 2007 at 12:55 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Kurt: Thanks. I'm sure Cheney wouldn't know a blue collar if it bit him on the ass.

March 8, 2007 at 1:40 AM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

Shooter died about 1996.

What a waste of a pacemaker.

March 8, 2007 at 11:10 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Jolly Roger: That's for sure, definitely a waste of a pacemaker.

March 8, 2007 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Renagu said...

I thought this was real...

March 8, 2007 at 10:09 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Renagu: Gotcha :) Hope you weren't too disappointed.

March 8, 2007 at 10:31 PM  
Blogger Ricardo said...

LOL! Tom stirring the pot. Go Tom, go!

March 19, 2007 at 8:41 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Ricardo: Ah yes, stir stir stir.

March 19, 2007 at 10:13 PM  

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