Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, September 26, 2008

George W. Bush’s Letter of Resignation

In late October of 2000, Texas Governor George W. Bush (who was running for president at the time) wrote two letters. They were both addressed to the American People.

In his first letter, he praised the triumph of Good over Evil. We were about to invade Iraq (which nobody even knew at the time. We didn’t even know Iraq was a threat. Thank God for Republicans!). Liberals of course would fidget and whine like they always do whenever we start another war with a bunch of swarthy little shits. But Lo and Behold — We Won!!!

And because of our noble sacrifice, still another corner of the world was made safe for Freedom! (And quit asking how many corners the world has. You're shaking my concentration!)

In his letter, he also spoke of changing the tone in Washington. If you'll remember back to those feisty days of the late 1990s, Democrats and Republicans hated each other. Nobody had ever seen such fightin’ and bickerin’ in the Halls of Congress.

And when Dumbya was writing this letter, he had just zeroed in on some secret intelligence information warning about a deadly threat from a foreign enemy. He never told nobody about it (a turrist-loving librul was president at the time), but when he was about to be elected President, he duly warned the American People. And as we all remember, we were SAVED.

And this great Servant to the American People also wrote a second letter to The People at the same time. He promised his Fellow Americans what he would do if he was NOT successful. If, at the end of his one and only term in office, he had been unable to change the tone in Washington, if he had NOT protected us from a foreign invasion (September of 2001 had been the period everyone was speculating on for a possible attack), and if America’s economy had deteriorated to the point where we were turning into a third world country — his second prepared letter would say:

“Fellow Americans, my letter of resignation is effective as of the end of my one and only term of President of the United States, in January 2005. I made several promises to you, my friends, and I broke them. I failed. As you’ve all seen, I could fuck up a wetdream. And I am hereby resigning.”

Well, other than that Fuckin’ LIE little faux pas, how did Songbird do in the debate?

cross-posted at Bring It On!

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Blogger Candace said...

McSame did very well. Dammit.

September 26, 2008 at 11:12 PM  
Blogger American Hill BIlly said...

C'mon Tom, You know Dubya is our only hope. He tried, and now that he knows were in real trouble he is OUR only hope!!!

Long live the Republic, and Emperor Bush!!!! Hooray!!!

United In Peace And Freedom

September 27, 2008 at 12:29 AM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

I am ashamed to say that I didn't watch the debate, but I hope I can see a video of it. I didn't know of these letters, but I believe that the Republicans were planning this Iraqi invasion long before 9/11 and they, along with the corporations that fund them, chose Bush the candidate to do the job. I've always believed this and you just gave me more proof.

September 27, 2008 at 4:54 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Taking responsibility for your actions is the mark of an effete homersexual from Taxachusetts.

I don't really want anything bad to happen to George, just be jailed. And live forever, never escaping his cell.

That would drive those with the steeliest resolve insane. Imagine what it would do to him.

September 27, 2008 at 7:09 AM  
Blogger People in the Sun said...

Actually, it was a little bit different. Inspired by Eisenhower's two letters, Bush prepared two gigantic banners. One said, "Mission Accomplished." The other said, "I'm the worse President in the history of the country and please someone, anyone, take over. I'm way, way over my head."

Alas, due to an unfortunate mix up, the former banner was displayed.

September 27, 2008 at 8:06 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Candace: I know, dammit. I wanted him to lose his temper or start talking about the Russian-Spanish border. Maybe next time.

AHB: You're right, I think Dumbya needs to stay in office permanently. Things are just too critical right now and nobody else measures up to his ability :)

Enemy: The debate wasn’t that interesting. Neither side scored any points or committed a gaffe. McCain wasn’t exactly lying about those two letters Eisenhower wrote (I never knew about them either). He was just “altering” the truth a little. Eisenhower wrote that letter taking responsibility for the Normandy invasion, but he never mentioned anything resigning, as McCain said he did.

Bush was undoubtedly gunning for Iraq before he even got in the White House. Whether 9/11 was an inside job or not, it sure opened a lot of doors for Bush’s agenda.

Randal: That would be a poetic punishment for Dumbya. There was a Twilight Zone episode like that. This guy became indestructible somehow. He’d live forever and nothing could kill him. He went out and committed murder just so he could have fun watching them try to execute him. But his lawyer got him life imprisonment instead.

PITS: Too funny. Too bad the wrong banner went up.

September 27, 2008 at 9:39 AM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

If only Bush had that kind of sense of responsibility!

Apparently although I too thought McCain did better than I expected (I too was hoping for a real gaffe on his part), most people felt Barack Obama won, partly due to his more presidential demeanor and body language and partly because he held his own in foreign policy where McCain was expected to shine.

All in all, I think it was a good night for us! The preliminary polls are looking great.

September 27, 2008 at 11:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting story. But everybody knows Bush can barely string two words together, let alone a whole letter.

September 27, 2008 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mauigirl: I'm glad to see that Obama did better in the debate, according to the polls I've seen. I was hoping McCain would stumble and/or Obama would nail him, but we still have two more debates.

Ron: That's true about him not being able to string 2 words together. Even the Mission Accomplished banner had to be ghostwritten.

September 27, 2008 at 2:31 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

I wouldn't look to Bush for an accurate account of a historical incident, especially during a campaign.

Furthermore, I'd be willing to bet the letters were written by a staffer. I don't see Bush writing a letter unless a lawyer or Laura tells him he has to and stands over him while he does it.

As for Bush — who brought Karl Rove and Dick Cheney into the White House — praising the triumph of good over evil, my head is starting to hurt. I'm going to go take an aspirin and try to forget about this for awhile.

September 27, 2008 at 6:39 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: Forget it; there isn't enough aspirin in the world for that kind of headache.

September 27, 2008 at 7:24 PM  
Blogger Carlos said...

If I hear McCain mention his Pee-Oh-Doubleyouness in a pubic forum one more time, I’m going to hunt him down and give him a big ol’ wedgie, then I’m gonna wipe my ass with my DD-214, crumble it up, and shove it in his big fuckin’ pie hole.

Dear John: There are plenty of us who served our country for a long time who don’t run around saying, “Look at me! Look at me! Look what I did!” and certainly don’t expect to be deemed qualified for anything because of that service. So shut the fuck up and move on. Your captivity was tragic and your service was honorable, but that was FORTY FUCKING YEARS AGO, and doesn’t have any bearing or applicability in today’s presidential race.

That is all…


September 28, 2008 at 7:27 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Carlos: Yeah! You told him off good. My sentiments exactly.

September 28, 2008 at 9:39 AM  
Blogger LET'S TALK said...

I think that History wont be as fair with Bush as it has been for Reagan, whom I still cannot get over him being this great President.

Reagan along with Oliver North should have been kicked right out if the White House and out of Americans lives.

It's called accountability and no Republican has ever paid for his corrupted procedures as President,

McCain was most likely given a shot a shot that helped him stay alert, but the side affects could be seen by his expression and the point when he said to Obama, that is horse sh#t: see Let's Talk About It to hear if that is what he said.

September 28, 2008 at 4:04 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Let's Talk: I think future historians will be less kind to Reagan than they're being right now. I'm sure tired of having him getting swooned over. He looks liberal and compassionate in comparison to Bush and Cheney, but that's about the only thing I can say for him.

I also was wondering if McCain was "on" something during the debate. He was both calm and alert; you know something was going on. I'll check out your post.

September 28, 2008 at 4:57 PM  

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