Who Hijacked Our Country

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Republican Party: “Was It Something We Said?”

Big Biff keeps hanging out in bars, trying to get lucky. His one and only pickup line is “Hey Bitch, wanna do the nasty?” Poor old Biff hasn’t scored for a long long time. Finally, after too many hundreds of lonely nights, Biff has started asking himself “is there something wrong with my pickup line?”

Soul-searching and self-analysis are always useful, but they have to be accompanied with a little dose of reality. Republican leaders are trying to figure out what happened in the last two elections, but they’re falling back on the old “we didn’t get our message across clearly enough.”

Or, going back to the earlier analogy, Big Biff is thinking to himself “Hey, I’m a deep, sensitive guy. How the fuck can I get that across to those dumb broads?”

When you’re turning inward and trying to figure out why you keep losing, there’s always the danger of coming to a completely bass-ackwards conclusion. Some Republicans are insisting that they lost because their message was “diluted.” “We need to Stand For Something!

And Big Biff is thinking to himself “Maybe I’ve been coming across as some sort of wimpy intellectual. I need to start acting tougher, more crude; show them broads I’m just a regular guy.”

Will Biff ever score again?

(to be continued)

cross-posted at Bring It On!


Blogger People in the Sun said...

And chicks love song parodies! They're divisive and crude, but in a post-modern ironic way!

January 29, 2009 at 3:55 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

PITS: Cool, I've gotta remember that :)

January 29, 2009 at 4:07 PM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

Great analogy there! We can only hope they continue to think they need to beef up their message even more - and continue to drive the majority of Americans away from them.

January 29, 2009 at 7:50 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mauigirl: Yes, let's hope the Republicans keep pandering to the "Biffs" of the country, and continue driving everybody else away.

January 29, 2009 at 11:16 PM  
Blogger Carlos said...

Biff may score, but that's all he'll get; and he'll get it only from the broads who are too stupid to figure it all out.

Biff doesn't care about developing respectful relationships; he cares only about dipping his dick in the sweet honeypot of power and wealth.

January 30, 2009 at 2:33 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Carlos: Good description of Biff. Fortunately for him (and unfortunately for the rest of us), there will always be people who are stupid and gullible enough to fall for him.

January 30, 2009 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Why don't you make like a tree, and get outta here.

My money is on Ken Doll. They need to counter Obama, thus, the black guy. And the media will fawn over them, telling us how the goopers have changed, blah diddy blah.

January 30, 2009 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Randal: Ah yes, the GOP has changed. Really. Trust them. They have a Big Tent now, and everybody's welcome.

January 30, 2009 at 3:02 PM  
Anonymous Bee said...

I've been saying, for like my entire life, lol, that the repubes don't have anything to say. It's not that they can't get their message across, it's that they don't even have a message.

I did read the other day that union membership is up, and that's at least one good thing.

January 30, 2009 at 4:17 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Bee: I know, it's just too funny how Republicans keep saying the same thing every time they lose an election. "We didn't get our message across." Riiight.

Increased union membership, that's gotta be a good thing. I hope that trend continues for awhile.

January 30, 2009 at 4:23 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

It doesn't matter who they get to represent the party as long as the message remains tax cuts for the poor=bad, bailouts for the rich=good.

January 30, 2009 at 7:45 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Lew: Hey, wait, that's a fascinating link. I looked at it carefully, and I suddenly realized it: Giuliani has a brilliant idea. When billionaires are given billions of dollars by the taxpayers, these billionaires will spend that money, and all the little people who work in restaurants and hotels will have jobs. Billionaires' wealth will trickle back down to the peons who provided that money in the first place. Hmmm..."trickle down" -- that's it, that could be the name of this stunning new concept.

January 30, 2009 at 7:53 PM  
Anonymous Screamin' Mimi said...

I'd be MUCH happier with "trickle up" -- and it'd be a whole lot more likely to happen.

January 30, 2009 at 9:31 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

The GOP alibi is just another case of using the Rove approach, which is to insist the biggest lie you can tell — the exact opposite of what's true — is the real, honest-to-goodness, factual story.

The reality is, what with Iraq, Katrina, Abu Ghraib, the lame "recovery" from the last recession, a long string of corruption eruptions, the housing bubble and all the rest, Republicans got their message out — and in their pain and misery, the people at long, long last got the message.

January 30, 2009 at 10:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry, the Republicans are learning. They now have a black man as the chairman of the RNC. Isn't that all they needed to do? Repackage the message?

January 31, 2009 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SM: Trickle Up is definitely the way to go. Maybe we'll finally be able to test that theory by putting it into action.

SW: That's exactly right. The Republicans' biggest problem is that they DID get their message across. And it sucks.

Anonymous: Why yes, a token Negro in charge of the RNC. Problem solved; they're all set now.

January 31, 2009 at 12:53 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

The only way Biff is likely to get any is by trickery, maybe even by slipping something into his target's drink.

February 2, 2009 at 5:12 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: LOL. Either trickery or slipping her a mickey. Or he could tell her that every other male in the bar is a terrorist-coddling socialist who wants to destroy the country. The only way she can guarantee her safety is to go home with Biff.

February 2, 2009 at 6:57 PM  

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