Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Russia: “We Will Bury You” — The Sequel

Uh oh, another dire prediction. It’s the end of America as we know it.

This doomsday report comes from Igor Panarin, dean of the Russian Foreign Ministry Diplomatic Academy. Here goes:

Barack Obama will be declaring martial law sometime during 2009. In 2011, the United States will be divided into six autonomous regions and Alaska will become part of Russia. Russia and China will form the backbone of the New World Order.

During a lecture yesterday, Panarin said: “There is a high probability that the collapse of the United States will occur by 2010.”

Whether or not these predictions have any validity, they go hand in hand with the negative view of America that’s prevalent among Russian leaders. They blame Wall Street for the global financial meltdown.

Other factors that indicate America’s pending implosion include: recent school shootings, the huge prison population and the number of gay men. (??) Maybe “Igor Panarin” is a Russian alias for James Dobson…

Panarin predicted than when the world recovers from the financial crisis, Russia and China will be stronger than ever. They’ll work together to lead the world, and possibly even create a new currency to replace the dollar.

You read it here first.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

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Blogger rockync said...

Oh, God! What's he doing, channeling Jean Dixon!?!

March 4, 2009 at 8:16 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Rockync: LOL, I almost forgot about Jean Dixon. It always seemed like she made every prediction imaginable, just so she could look back and say "Aha, I predicted that!"

March 4, 2009 at 11:37 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

I wonder if "scolar" Panarin has been hitting the vodka too hard. I can't imagine where he gets his six "rump states" nonsense from. He's so disconnected from facts and reality, he'd be a natural for Fox News, though.

March 5, 2009 at 1:14 AM  
Blogger Carlos said...

I want was he's smoking!

March 5, 2009 at 1:28 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

The worst part of this is that all the sporting leagues will now be split into six and you all know how much a pain in the ass it was to get that world world series of baseball off the ground.

March 5, 2009 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: They make some good vodka over there, but whatever he's drinking must be a lot stronger than anything I've ever had.

Carlos: Yup, I'll take some of that too.

Randal: Even worse, when Alaska becomes part of Russia we won't have Sarah Palin to kick around any more.

March 5, 2009 at 2:03 PM  
Anonymous Bee said...

Well, we have our "the world will end in 2012 because the Mayan calendar ends in 2012"...yeah, like that's not a translation error, or maybe they just got overrun with Conquistadors and never finished the stupid stone calendar...

The Russians have their modern day Rasputin.

Just goes to show, everyone has their crazies, which is comforting, in sick twisted way :)

March 5, 2009 at 3:58 PM  
Blogger DB said...

I don't know if the "6 autonomous regions" this guy predicts is the same as the last guy, but you know these douches don't do their homework when they predict Utah breaking away with California, Oregon, and Washington. Utah, if it joins any region at all (as opposed to going solo theocratic style) would certainly not be the West Coast. Such amateurs.

March 5, 2009 at 4:29 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Does this mean we can bring our troops home from the 130 countries they're now stationed at? I'm sick of supporting an empire!

March 5, 2009 at 5:24 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

I find many of these predictions entirely possible-imagine what will happen when the entire economy collapses. Although I doubt it will occur for the many reasons Igor stated.
One, we have shipped most of our manufacturing offshore- we don't make anything the world wants to buy (except military equipment and bad movies), and so our dollar has nothing to back it up.
Two, our military is stretched too thin now to ever be effective anywhere in the world. We're mired down in Afghanistan, Iraq, and now the Obama administration is continuing the same Iranian policies of the Bush administration (so much for that whole "Change We Can Believe In" crap) and our defense budget is slowly swallowing the country. We can't keep it up indefinitely, yet we still continue the charade.
The empire is on the wane. China will become the new world power (I don't know about Russia, but they do have oil)and dominant economy while the corpocracy here will resemble a third world country..

March 5, 2009 at 5:44 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Bee: I guess we'll see who's right, that Russian VIP or the Mayans. At least the Mayan calendar gives us an extra year :)

DB: Good point. Their knowledge of American regional politics is on a par with Borat's command of English grammar.

J: Yup, that's what it means. Time to bring 'em all home.

Lew: Aw, come on, Don't Worry Be Happy :)

As grim as your predictions sound, they're certainly possible. I guess we'll find out...

March 5, 2009 at 6:26 PM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

It'll happen, but not like this. That chapter has yet to be written, but I just don't see Alaska folding back into Russia. I'd think it more likely that Alaska will try to join the rump Confederacy, when the time comes.

March 5, 2009 at 10:22 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

JR: Alaska is kind of in its own category. They have a lot of Sarah Palin types up there who think the world is 6,000 years old. But there's a strong sense of independence and libertarianism there too. Then again, a lot of Alaskans and Texans and Okies who went up there to get jobs on the oil pipeline.

I was in Anchorage for awhile, a long time ago. I didn't like it, but it's totally different from anywhere else I've been.

March 6, 2009 at 7:04 PM  

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