Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, February 13, 2009

Meet the New South, Same as the Old South

Come on down, folks. The South has changed. Them Yankees still think we’re just a bunch of crooked sheriffs and ‘bacca-chewin’ rednecks. And that ain’t fair.

There’s a new sheriff in town. And he gonna go after that there Michael Phelps for breakin’ the law. That boy done gone and smoked some of that there maryjew, uhh, marihwaa, err…POT. And Ahm gonna git that sumbitch.

Whether this dumbfuck sheriff likes it or not, Michael Phelps will be a household name decades from now. Can’t say the same for Sheriff Deliverance. Or as somebody said about Martin Luther King, Jr.: “How many streets are named Sheriff Bull Connor Boulevard?”

And speaking of “the more things change the more they remain the same” — Lucy is once again trying to get Charlie Brown to kick the football while she holds it for him. She swears that it’ll be different this time. She’s changed her ways.

Trust me, Charlie Brown. I promise you I won’t yank the football away at the last second and make you fall flat on your back. Come on now, run as fast as you can and give that ball a good hard kick.

And finally, those conservative bloggers and pundits are just going ballistic on Israel because of their election results. “If any Israeli civilians get killed by Palestinian terrorists, it’s their own F%&$%$#! fault! Voting for that rightwing warmonger, what do they expect??” “Israeli voters are just asking for a terrorist attack, veering to the right like that. They’ve made their bed, and now they can lie in it!”


No, of course the Right never said anything like that. But that’s what they’ve been saying about Palestinians every time civilians in Gaza are killed by the Israeli army. “They voted for Hamas, and this is what they’re getting. Serves them right!”

Undoubtedly they’ll be saying the same thing now about civilian casualties in Israel, because of Israeli voters’ sharp turn to the right. Won’t they?

cross-posted at Bring It On!



Anonymous Anonymous said...

That Sheriff should talk to the former DA of the Duke Lacrosse Players about going after popular well connected White Athletes.


February 13, 2009 at 5:48 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

A few things sir:

1. Israel, like the Pope, is infallible. Wait. The Pope is the head of the Great Whore, isn't he. Sorry, Hagee. Here, have another bag of Funyons.

2. If that sheriff didn't go after Phelps, then what kind of message does that send to the young people, some of whom might dream of being a multiple-gold medal winning Olympian?

February 13, 2009 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: Good one. I hope this sheriff fails in his mission and gets held up for ridicule.

Randal: My God, I hadn't thought of it that way. Yes, we need to go after that wicked pothead Phelps and ruin his life -- for the children.

February 13, 2009 at 12:52 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

In the long run, it would be cheaper for South Carolina to legalize marijuana than it would be to going through all the legal costs of bringing Michael Phelps to "justice".

February 13, 2009 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Lew: Absolutely. But try explaining that to some dimwitted redneck. (And the term "redneck" has nothing to do with the South or any region or education level. It's a state of mind that's too common in this country.)

February 13, 2009 at 8:43 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

From the story on the bankers testifying:

"The financial sector was also in law enforcement's cross hairs. FBI Deputy Director John Pistole told the Senate Judiciary Committee Wednesday that the FBI is conducting more than 500 investigations of corporate fraud amid the financial meltdown."

This gives me the welcome impression there really is a new sheriff in town, so to speak, and a whole lot of people in $500 suits are going to need a whole lot of emergency underwear changes before this is over.

February 13, 2009 at 9:52 PM  
Anonymous Bee said...

From the article about the bankers trying to "splain" themselves last week, this quote:

"To a man — and, yes, all eight CEOs are male — the executives said they would pay back the taxpayer money by 2012 and sooner if they could help it."

HOw exactly do they propose to do that, when their companies are still in the outhouse? The next "get rich quick" scheme, I suspect. As one of those taxpayers, I don't necessarily want to hear that we'll be paid back within 3 years, because that makes me wonder what kind of new ponzi scheme they will have to cook up to make good on that pledge, which, of course, they have zero intention of actually making good on - they are banking on that idea that within 3 years, the economy will be back at a growth pattern, all will be right with the world, and we taxpayers will have forgotten all about those billions of dollars we handed those asshats on a silver platter. I'd rather have a 20 year payback schedule, with schedule annual payments with interest at 59%.

February 14, 2009 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: Yes, that was encouraging. Maybe the FBI will start being useful again instead of just spying on millions of citizens and looking for terrorists under every bed.

Bee: I like your 20-year payment plan with 59% interest. And just to show those assholes how much they've taught us: if any one of those executives is ever late with any other payment (personal credit card, loan from a friend) or is ever found shopping and spending recklessly -- the interest rate goes up to 99%.

February 14, 2009 at 1:20 PM  
Anonymous kate said...

most Americans know marijuana should be legalized. What I think is a shame is that so many young people see athletes as their heroes when there are so many other more worthy people out there. I know I'll probably get stoned for such a thought, but that's just my opinion.

have you seen joe kennedy's commercial for Venezuelan oil?

February 15, 2009 at 5:47 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Kate: I agree it's a shame so many people worship athletes, rock stars, actors and celebrities in general. I think people should improve their own lives as much as possible and not be so focused on heroes and idols.

I haven't seen that commercial.

February 15, 2009 at 11:25 AM  

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