Who Hijacked Our Country

Monday, June 29, 2009

Far Right: “Honduras Did It. Why Can’t We??!?!?!?”

Wingtards, Rightwads: Your country needs you! Socialists are tightening their stranglehold on our great nation, and what are we doing about it? It’s fine that our Exulted Grand Caliph sits there and passively says “I hope he fails.”

But that’s not enough.

What can we do? Let’s look to our shining inspiration to the South.

It’s been sixteen years since the last rightwing military coup in Central America. And if you’re sitting in your double-wide frying something as you read this, you probably agree: that’s sixteen years too long!

What do you do when some limpwristed commie tries to redistribute wealth, remove all incentive to work and destroy our moral fiber? Send in the cavalry!

Of course our CEOs and robber barons — and the government they’ve purchased — don’t care about us. But if we have a limited government that lets them do exactly what they want when they want, some of their wealth will trickle down to us. Prosperity is just around the corner.

And we can always count on the Army to make things right. Liberal politicians come and go, but soldiers always embody those bedrock values that made America great. With a godless Communist desecrating our White House, our troops will be champing at the bit to come storming in and —

Oh. Nevermind.

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8 Comments:

Anonymous Thomas said...

Since most wingnuts can't find Honduras on a map, even one with the countries labeled, I don't see there being too much strife over this in the US.

June 29, 2009 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

The far right doesn't need a coup. They just need to rig the next election.

June 29, 2009 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Thomas: I hadn't thought of that. You're right, there's no danger from the wingnuts.

Lew: Diebold failed their mission in these last 2 elections, but they swear it won't happen again.

June 29, 2009 at 4:10 PM  
Anonymous S.W. anderson said...

Hey, you lefties, Paul Revereware here — a "wingtard" and proud to be.

Whaddya mean we lost the military???!! We love the military! We worship the military!! Hell, didn't you notice how our fearless leader, George W. Bush — who will one day be regarded as greater than James K. Polk, just wait and see — had troops around and behind him time after time throughout 2004? Why, he even went and simulated serving them simulated turkey in a Iraq dining hall during the holidays!

And now you're telling me these fine young men and women — most of 'em gun carriers, even — are turning their backs on the good ol' Gee Ho Pee???!!!

Lies, lies and more lies!!!

You just wait, lefties. We'll be back. Where there's Karl Rove, there's hope. Tom DeLay lives!! Newt will get his groove back!! Rush is still right!!! The Swiftboaters await our orders!!! We still got our Noise Machine™. And, we got Texas millionaires we ain't even hit up yet!!!!

June 29, 2009 at 10:26 PM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

You ain't nothin' but a Honduras, cryin' all the time!

June 30, 2009 at 7:19 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: That's right, Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich and Tom DeLay will save America and make her great once again.

Randal: You must've seen Elvis at the shopping mall.

June 30, 2009 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

People who support an armed overthrow of the government here in America are referred to as... what's the word... is is something like traitors? What's that stuff called... treason? I think that's what they were calling us and accusing us of when we didn't agree with the invasion of Iraq a few years ago.

How quickly and conveniently a certain portion of our population seems to forget such things.

Oh well, I haven't forgotten. I'll call a spade a spade, and say Rush Limbaugh is a traitor, and that he intends to cause failure of the American government, so he is guilty of tresaon.

Well, maybe not really. But he's a lot more guilty of it that I ever was for saying "No war in Iraq" in the early 00's.

July 2, 2009 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: Yup, it's funny how the rules and definitions got switched around, on the exact minute that Obama became president. As of that minute, it's now patriotic and good to hate our government, since the president is now a traitor.

Undoubtedly a lot of conservatives are green with envy when they hear about the coup in Honduras.

July 2, 2009 at 11:51 AM  

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