Who Hijacked Our Country

Monday, August 10, 2009

Alberto Gonzales Slandered by Liberal Media

Alberto Gonzales, Dumbya’s ex-Attorney General, says his legacy and his image have been ruined. Gonzales was best known for his frequent memory blackouts and his pants-creaming fantasies involving spreadeagled Iraqi prisoners.

An interviewer asked Gonzales: “Would you agree that your reputation was damaged by your service as attorney general?”

Struggling through his crippling amnesia, Gonzales rambled:

“It has had a, uhhh…an effect, a positive…no, I mean, uh, what’s the opposite of, of, uhh — Negative, that’s it. A negative effect, no question about it, and at times it makes me, uhh…happy, no, that’s not the right word, uhh, what do you call it when you, when you, uummm — Angry, that’s it. Angry because it is, uhhh, what’s that word when you don’t think you — undeserved, that’s it. But I don’t want to sound like I am whining. At the end of the day, uh, what did I do today? Oh, I meant that figuratively. At the end of the day I’ve been the, the, what was that job title again? OK, I remember now. Attorney general of the United States. It’s a remarkable privilege, and I stand behind my service.”

Last December, Gonzales actually asked: “What is it that I did that is so fundamentally wrong, that deserves this kind of response to my service?”

Here’s a little hint.

Gonzales starts a new job next month, teaching political science at Texas Tech University. That is, if he doesn't forget.

cross-posted at Bring It On!

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Anonymous Bee said...

He was high on crack. That's the only explanation next to he's a mean assed bastard. Nice to know that all the failures now go to populate our universities...Condi, Alberto...reckon Rummy's found himself a nice tenured gig yet?

August 10, 2009 at 4:49 PM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

What a dipshit! Sorry for the curse, but that man brings out the worse in me. Liberal media--there isn't one "media slant" that will ever save this man except for out and out psychosis in the press. Even Fox may draw the line. I mean, Gonzales is a f^*#ing idiot!

August 10, 2009 at 5:31 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

So much for our nation's public universities being infested with liberal professors.

Condi Rice is now also a political science teacher, at Stanford. That's a private university, but Alberto is going the Condi route.

Maybe that's what GOP has-beens do when they're political toast: become college poli-sci profs.

"If you can't do, teach."

Even though I am a teacher, I always got a good laugh out of that old saying! And in the case of Alberto and Condi, it appears to be a real truism.

August 10, 2009 at 5:44 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

At least he's not teaching ethics........
Seriously, wouldn't you be bummed if you signed up for a class and found him to be your new professor?

August 10, 2009 at 6:49 PM  
Blogger Ricardo said...

How about janitor at Texas Tech? It would be more of a proper job for him after the stuff he pulled under Bush. The man was criminal in the way he acted.

August 10, 2009 at 7:09 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Bee: Yeah, it's too bad somebody actually hired him. He should be either in jail or filling out endless job applications with no response.

Enemy: He's a dipshit that not even Fox could love. (They probably do though.)

Snave: Good point. Between Condi Rice and now Gonzales -- so much for those liberal professors everyone complains about.

Lew: That's all we'd need, a sleazeball like that teaching ethics.

Ricardo: I wouldn't even want him for a janitor. He'd probably spend his time making make-believe prisoners out of mops and brooms, so he could torture them.

August 10, 2009 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger Holte Ender said...

Alberto Gonzales - As dipshit Attorney Generals go he is up there with the worst of them.

August 10, 2009 at 8:06 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

Gonzales was the consummate sock puppet. He was a political tool who mistook Bush, Cheney and Rove for his bosses, when he was supposed to be paying attention first and foremost to Lady Justice.

It's fitting that he will teach political science, although I suspect there will be little science involved. He sure as hell has no business teaching law.

Someone today (I think it was Chris Matthews) said George W. Bush has yet to call or contact Gonzales in any way. Nor has Bush apparently lifted a finger to help Gonzales get a job. How's that for returning loyalty?

August 10, 2009 at 11:53 PM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

I can't recall what my comment was going to be.

August 11, 2009 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger Demeur said...

The really irritating thing is that our current AG is not going after him even after reading all the evil he did. We need to go after the small fish is the present mantra. In just about any other country in the world these guys would have been taken out and shot.

August 11, 2009 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

God almighty, I didn't even comment on the university--I teach at one and we have several disgraced local politicians on faculty. It makes me feel so good about my job.

August 11, 2009 at 9:17 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Holte: He's the only Attorney General who could actually make John Ashcroft look good.

SW: "consummate sock puppet" -- perfect description. No, there's no such thing as loyalty among those has-been neocons.

Randal: You, Sir, are qualified for a high-ranking federal office.

Demeur: I'm in between about whether we should distract ourselves from the health care debate, and other current issues, by focusing on Bush's former cabinet members. But you're right that in most other countries, people like Gonzales would be jailed, or worse.

Enemy: That would really suck if universities become the new magnet for disgraced politicians.

August 11, 2009 at 5:53 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

"Randal: You, Sir, are qualified for a high-ranking federal office."

Or perhaps Poet Laureate of the U.S.?

August 11, 2009 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger Mike V. said...

It's amazing the memory leaks within the ranks of the (thankfully) former Bush administration.
Maybe some scientists can use them for a study on aging fascists..

August 12, 2009 at 9:31 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mike: A study on aging fascists, LOL. God knows what they'd find out. I'm not sure I even want to know.

August 12, 2009 at 10:41 AM  
Anonymous Kvatch said...

Gonzales actually asked: “What is it that I did that is so fundamentally wrong, that deserves this kind of response to my service?”

Failed to tell the difference between the Solicitor General and the Attorney General?

August 12, 2009 at 12:13 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Kvatch: That's one of his countless fuckups.

August 12, 2009 at 5:48 PM  

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