Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, April 30, 2010

George W. Bush: Yes, We Miss You

To answer the question on this billboard: YESS!!!!

What’s not to miss? The economy was booming, and our treasury had a record surplus. Remember how the economy skyrocketed as soon as Bush got inaugurated? I don’t remember any exact statistics, but there had to be a tremendous surge in new hiring.

As conservatives are always reminding us, government regulations strangle the economy. Workplace safety rules are well intentioned, but — you know the drill here — “you’re only hurting the people you’re trying to help.”

One of the first things Bush did in 2001 was abolish a bunch of workers’ safety regulations that Clinton had just signed. His main target was office-type jobs. Tough shit for those sissy white-collar dweebs and their constant wailing and boohoohooing about “repetitive stress injury” and “carpal tunnel syndrome.” If those are real injuries, why don’t they describe them In Plain English?!?!?

Well, when those cumbersome regulations were lifted, bazillions of new jobs were created so fast, you just about had to jump back and get out of the way.

And let us Never Ever Forget: There were no terrorist attacks on American soil while George W. Bush was president. There have been plenty of domestic attacks during Obama’s presidency, of course. We’ve been the world’s favorite doormat and punching bag for these fifteen disastrous months. But again, there was not a single attack when George W. Bush was president. Nobody would dare!

And unlike the whiny socialist we’ve got in the White House now, you never ever heard George W. Bush apologizing for America. Nosireebob! Some of those pansy Democrats probably thought he should apologize. But By God he never did.

And the Bush family has paid a high price for some of George’s painful tough decisions. Laura Bush’s face has been completely immobile — she looks like a fuckin’ cadaver! — ever since that horrendous poisoning incident in 2007. “Vee vill neffer forgiff you for vat you did to us sixty-five yearsss ago!” thundered Klaus as he sprinkled poison in Laura’s drink. And her next drink, and the next one, and the one after that…

Yes, George W. Bush alienated people when he made difficult decisions and stuck to them. But look at all the disastrous things that have happened ever since Obama became president. It’s been a never-ending tragedy. The entire global economy went into meltdown! Obama gave trillions of taxpayer dollars to Wall Street and then just fiddled while Main Street burned. And then he ruined the Greatest Health Care System in the World. And as Rudy Giuliani keeps reminding us, the terrorist attacks have been merciless since January 2009 — one right after another, day in, day out…

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Blogger Tim said...

Okay I was going to carry on in absurdity but you did just fine without me. Comedy is the best double edge sword in attacks. In short,very funny and the dumb bastards on the right think they've won you over.
Excellent. Actually laughed out loud of the cadaver comparison. But she looks good don't you think,just resting there. I couldn't help myself.

April 30, 2010 at 4:43 PM  
Blogger T. Paine said...

Seems like you are bored to me, Mr. Harper.... :)

As we all know, Bush is the devil. Obama's friend Hugo has said so.

And of course, Lord Obama keeps pointing out all of the problems he has inherited from Bush, so perhaps Chavez was correct.
(Never mind that Obama has continued or exacerbated most of the issues he blamed Bush for, and rightfully so in some cases.)

April 30, 2010 at 7:55 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

Geez, Tom, you're slipping. You forgot to mention how Obama raised everyone's taxes, way on up there. Bush, of course cut taxes big time, again and again. And he was such a prince, he didn't even charge us for carrying out his vendetta against Saddam Hussein. What a guy!

May 1, 2010 at 12:57 AM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

Paine, Obama has spoken up about the mess he inherited at times when the carping, complaining, fearmongering and backbiting from the right was getting particularly out of hand.

People all over the country are plenty PO'd about TARP, for example. That wasn't Obama's doing. A whole lot of teabaggers and conservatives are irate at Obama for raising taxes, except that he hasn't. They're raising hell and predicting doom about Obama and Democrats' health care reform sending the deficit/debt into the stratosphere, oblivious to the fact that Obama and Democrats went to great lengths to find spending cuts, offsets and economies, so reform wouldn't mean big additions to the deficit or tax increases.

Being a president who's gone out of his way to be mindful of people's concerns while trying to do some constructive, helpful things to meet their needs, it must be maddening for Obama to then hear so many carry on in ways ridiculously at odds with the facts.

Obama's occasional reminders about how we got into our several huge, horribly expensive messes are the least he can do to defend himself and to try to keep about 23 percent of the population from completely losing touch with reality.

May 1, 2010 at 1:12 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Given that this is America, I fully expect Chimpy to be in the top ten of most historians by 2050.

"How brave and steadfast he was to fight off, single-handedly, the extremism of Dick Cheney!"

Of course, since we'll all be zombiefied communist Manchurians bent on world socialist domination, 'tis a moot point.

May 1, 2010 at 7:06 AM  
Blogger TomCat said...

Bush is easy to miss. But someday, our aim will improve. ;-)

May 1, 2010 at 11:15 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Tim: Yup, sometimes humor and ridicule are the only answer when the Right gets too absurd. When they try to rewrite history and pretend Bush was a great president and then everything went to Hell when Obama got inaugurated -- what else can you do except tear your hair out or ridicule them.

TP: Bored? Nope, can't help you there. Everything is interesting; I'm never bored. And I didn't know Obama and Chavez were "friends" -- unless you're one of those people who think an American president is either saber-rattling or "apologizing for America."

SW: That's right, our taxes have gone way up, and every industry has been nationalized. Every enterprise, from the largest bank to the corner deli, is now being run by the Politburo in Washington DC.

Good answer to TP.

Randal: 2050? I'm worried that the Bush family name will be sanitized and revived in time for Jeb to run for the Senate or even -- [choking] [can't breathe] -- the White House.

TomCat: LOL. We'll just have to keep practicing.

May 1, 2010 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger Holte Ender said...

GW Bush is not easily forgotten, but well worth the effort.

May 1, 2010 at 1:51 PM  
Blogger T. Paine said...

Obama voted for TARP as a senator so he doesn't get a pass on that. He did indeed inherit a mess from Bush; however, he has followed Bush on the worst excesses of that path.

It is laughable that he has "cut expenses". Please tell me where Obama made ANY significant cuts in spending anywhere.

Obama's budgets, desired programs, and additional spending is more than that of all 43 of his presidential predecessors COMBINED.

Bush was NOT a good president, but given the choice between him and the foolishness of our current president, I would indeed hold my nose and vote for Bush again.

May 1, 2010 at 2:34 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Yes, we need another idiot president to mangle the language and be a complete buffoon while his VP runs things behind the curtains and finds ways to skirt every law there is.

May 1, 2010 at 4:36 PM  
Blogger Beekeepers Apprentice said...

Oh, great googly, I agree with Randal on something...the "top ten presidents by 2050"...yeah, the sorry son of a bitch probably will be.

May 1, 2010 at 6:18 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

TP: Of course Obama voted for TARP as a senator. By that point, what else could we do? That's the whole purpose of trying to crack down on banks that are too big to fail, so we won't be stuck with companies that are so huge and so intertwined with the entire economy, that if they go down they'll take all of us with them. The issue is, how did we get to that dire position in 2008 that made TARP necessary? And the answer is, three decades of dismantling the protections that FDR put in place in the 1930s.

You can thank Reagan, Clinton and both Bushes for getting us into this predicament.

I'm sure you'll be back with a detailed rebuttal.

Lew: Ah yes, feeling a little nostalgia for those halcyon days of Bush-Cheney? Me too :)

Bee: With these Texas history books getting foisted on us, who knows what sort of "history" we'll be getting by 2050.

May 1, 2010 at 7:04 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

T. Paine wrote: "Obama's budgets, desired programs, and additional spending is more than that of all 43 of his presidential predecessors COMBINED."

No, if you subtract the TARP outlays and war expenses for Iraq and Afhganistan Obama was obliged to continue from his first day in office, Bush still holds that distinction. Face it, Paine, accurate history didn't begin on the day Obama was sworn in.

May 4, 2010 at 1:25 PM  

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