Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

GOP Candidate: “Obama Taking Away Your Chance to Find God”

A Republican candidate in Missouri, Ed Martin, actually said that. And by God, he’s right. Seriously. Think about it.

Recent Republican administrations have set up a little “arrangement” with The Lord. And Obama is jeopardizing everything.

Every year, the health insurance industry enables 45,000 Americans to find God. Another 30,000 Americans find God each year as the result of His favorite invention — the Gun!

In the past thirty years, every type of safety regulation has been whittled down to zero. God has Himself a gold mine here. Environmental hazards, fatal workplace accidents, defective products that kill and maim — God gets tens of thousands of new visitors every year, thanks to them commie regulations finally getting derailed.

God’s best friend is, of course, the Military-Industrial Complex. About 5,000 American soldiers have found their way to God via Iraq and Afghanistan. And hundreds of thousands of civilians in those countries have also found God (although they may call Him by a different name). Worldwide, the fruit of the Military-Industrial Complex’ labor — war — has enabled countless hundreds of thousands of people to escape this earthly hellhole and ascend to a heavenly paradise.

God’s next best friend would be the Prison-Industrial Complex. Out of the entire global population of prison inmates, 23% of these inmates are incarcerated inside an American prison. No that wasn’t a typo. Poor medical treatment, disciplinary measures from guards or other inmates — thousands of these prisoners find God every year. Sure, some of them were vicious murderers, rapists, gang members. But a lot of them were in prison just because of personal behavior which offended the Powers That Be but didn’t harm anybody else.

So yes, Ed Martin is absolutely right to be afraid of President Obama’s devious agenda. Obamacare, more protection for the environment, increased workplace safety regulations, a slight decrease in the War on Drugs, another slight decrease in the war machine (not that we’ve seen it yet) — Ed Martin should be very afraid. If Obama's evil plans aren't stopped, there might actually be fewer Americans finding their way to God.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Dave Dubya said...

Don't you know Obama is the Anti-Christ? How plain can it be? How could you be so ridiculous?

July 13, 2010 at 9:58 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

I sense the ravings of a demented yahoo with delusions of political grandeur. In keeping with the times, Missouri Republicans are trying to come up with someone who's a bigger jerk than Kit Bond, and I think they succeeded.

July 14, 2010 at 12:50 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

If the war on drugs truly ends, there will be dozens of ways to find god then.

July 14, 2010 at 8:22 AM  
Anonymous Tim said...

Well God Damn....
How did that day of prayer go for them in the Gulf. Hmmm not so much..

July 14, 2010 at 8:57 AM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

He's also taking your chance to find the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. These poele are goons.

July 14, 2010 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Dave: Of course I know; all good Snakehandlers know that.

SW: I guess Kit Bond was the high mark (or low mark), and now this new guy has taken his place. The bar keeps getting lower.

Randal: Looking forward to it.

Tim: I guess they didn't pray hard enough.

Lew: And don't forget the Great Pumpkin.

July 14, 2010 at 10:08 PM  

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