Who Hijacked Our Country

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Newest Threat to Christianity: Yoga

Homosexuals and Muslim terrorists aren’t the only threats to America’s Christian values.

People who practice Yoga are spitting on Jesus and destroying America from within. And there are millions of them.

Fortunately, Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler has alerted us to the danger. We need to take pre-emptive action NOW — before it’s too late!

As of 2008, there were almost 16 million Americans practicing Yoga. The true number is probably much scarier. That 16 million doesn’t include the millions of people who practice those generic aerobic/fitness workouts. All of those innocent-seeming bending and twisting movements are taken from — Yoga! Every time you twist sideways or bend forward to touch your toes, you’re channeling SATAN. Stop it!

Not only that, but some of the most badass strength workouts use the handstand and the bridge — among other Yoga postures — as the starting-off point for some kick-ass strength exercises.

So, how many tens of millions of Americans does this add up to? Whether it’s intentional or not, all of these Yoga infidels are Satan’s Useful Idiots!

Albert Mohler is appalled at “the idea that the body is a vehicle for reaching consciousness with the divine.”

The Divine??? Oh you silly boy. That’s not “the Divine.” You’re channeling Cthulhu.

MWAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA.

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11 Comments:

Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

More and more, I'm coming to believe we ought to export our political- and religious-right nutcases to China, where they can feel right at home.

I suspect if the Southern Baptist Convention, and especially his seminary, could find a way to turn some Baptists' enthusiasm for yoga into donations and endowments, he would suddenly have no problem with the practice.

October 7, 2010 at 9:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK there's the millions of us who do it on a daily basis just to learn to relax and get our backs into shapes to survive a stressful day, the smaller minority who are willing to invoke Shiva in a tantric Yoga class if they can achieve the ultimate orgasm, but still scream "oh god!" and "oh Jesus!" when they do it,

Then there are those who want to immerse themselves in whatever they do, give themselves Sanskrit names, wear the baggy pants, eat veggies and say "namaste" instead of "thank you" - are these the guys the church are going after? Hell they weren't Christians to begin with.

Considering this was the Church that became the Southern Baptist Church because they endorsed Slavery (split up from the regular Church) and then waited until the 90's to finally apologize for it (slipped our minds), I don't put much into what they say.


If the Southern Baptist can think of a better way to align my spine without drugs, having to go to a church the size of a Wal-mart and tithing 25% of my income - I'll consider it!

I get enough rapture now.


Erik

October 8, 2010 at 12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Off topic, but I wonder what you make of this bit of heresy that has been posted this morning at http://dioclese.blogspot.com/2010/10/ratshitter-rap.html

October 8, 2010 at 2:03 AM  
Anonymous kate said...

The really scary thing is it's not just here in the USA. It's actually being banned and outlawed in some countries. For real? All I can do is shake my head. Religious fanatics around the world are really getting on my nerves.

October 8, 2010 at 4:04 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

If self-flagellation is good enough for Al, it's good enough for you hippies.

October 8, 2010 at 6:11 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: I forgot about that Falun Gong movement. I was always intrigued by those news stories, and wondered if those practitioners actually developed some sort of mental or psychic powers, or why the Chinese government was so afraid of them. I'll have to read that linked article in more detail.

Erik: Sorry, but the only acceptable way to fix your back is to open your Bible to the Old Testament, get some snakes and start praying.

Anonymous: Too funny.

Kate: Mine too.

Randal: Self-flagellation isn't allowed either, unless there's a snake involved.

October 8, 2010 at 9:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'patriotboy" has a great "Opinuary" column on this subject today..

October 8, 2010 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Anon.: Thanks.

October 8, 2010 at 11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see you found your way over to the Generals place; good show.

One of my "must" reads; the General.


Cheers,

'harry'

October 8, 2010 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger Distributorcap said...

pretty soon cream cheese will be banned by the church for causing non-christian behavior

part of me wants these assholes to just take over so the impending collapse can come sooner

October 10, 2010 at 6:50 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Anon.: Yup, that's a great read.

DC: In some ways I still have hope, and in other ways I too would rather just let the rightwing wackjobs take over and get it over with.

October 10, 2010 at 10:31 AM  

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