Newest Threat to Christianity: Yoga

Homosexuals and Muslim terrorists aren’t the only threats to America’s Christian values.

People who practice Yoga are spitting on Jesus and destroying America from within. And there are millions of them.

Fortunately, Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler has alerted us to the danger. We need to take pre-emptive action NOW — before it’s too late!

As of 2008, there were almost 16 million Americans practicing Yoga. The true number is probably much scarier. That 16 million doesn’t include the millions of people who practice those generic aerobic/fitness workouts. All of those innocent-seeming bending and twisting movements are taken from — Yoga! Every time you twist sideways or bend forward to touch your toes, you’re channeling SATAN. Stop it!

Not only that, but some of the most badass strength workouts use the handstand and the bridge — among other Yoga postures — as the starting-off point for some kick-ass strength exercises.

So, how many tens of millions of Americans does this add up to? Whether it’s intentional or not, all of these Yoga infidels are Satan’s Useful Idiots!

Albert Mohler is appalled at “the idea that the body is a vehicle for reaching consciousness with the divine.”

The Divine??? Oh you silly boy. That’s not “the Divine.” You’re channeling Cthulhu.

MWAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA.