Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Corporations are People: Phase Two

The Oligarchy has long ruled that a corporation has all the rights of a person, without any of the vulnerabilities or responsibilities. And now the Supreme Court will probably take this “reasoning” to its logical next step. If a corporation is a person, then obviously he has feelings; she has emotional needs. Corporations have their ups and downs, their good and bad days; just like us.

A corporation would be embarrassed — just petrified! — if his/her sensitive personal information got revealed. Therefore, a corporation has the right to privacy, just like we do.

The FCC, during an investigation, gathered some information about AT&T. And now AT&T wants to keep this information secret. AT&T will just die if this information gets out! All the other corporations will laugh at AT&T. Halliburton will kick AT&T’s ass after school. General Motors will put a thumb tack on his chair.

Just imagine poor little AT&T sitting there, blushing, squirming, turning away, unable to look the other corporations in the eye. Have you no sympathy???

So far, a federal appeals court has ruled in AT&T’s favor. The Supreme Court will probably make its ruling in early 2011.

In the meantime, AT&T is just a nervous wreck. She hasn’t been herself lately. She’s been breaking out in zits, and she’s starting to overeat. She might even call in sick tomorrow.

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Anonymous Tim said...

I feel just horrible about this.
I'm an insensitive lout. I'll send out a card of apology right now.

Maybe the answer is for us all to be incorporated. After all, I'd like to have the same rights as those assholes. Opps there I go again, habits are hard to break...;)

September 29, 2010 at 4:41 AM  
Blogger jadedj said...

This is as it should be. Why hell, let's just extend this thinking and let corporations run for office...get it the fuck over with, let them run the country...openly.

September 29, 2010 at 4:49 AM  
Anonymous Jolly Roger said...

I'm telling you, this country has maybe 5 years left as an intact entity, and maybe it doesn't. It sure won't be a hell of a lot longer.

September 29, 2010 at 5:58 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

All I can tell you is that I sure as hell aren't gonna vote for Senator Wal-Mart. Candidate Goldman Sachs's got my vote!

September 29, 2010 at 10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again the Conservatives are abusing their least favorite Constitutional amendment (and all along you thought it was the 5th), the 14th. One the Congressional side they want to mess with the "all persons born are citizens" part.

Funny I was just thinking of the privacy part when this was posted.

Talk about Unfortunate Clairvoyance.


September 29, 2010 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

I wonder how much of the stuff they want to keep private is all the information they data mined from their users and will be trying to sell to other companies following the lawsuit.

September 29, 2010 at 2:53 PM  
Anonymous Thomas said...

Even Adam Smith warned about the danger of pooling resources and power in the form of joint stock corporations.

Any entity that can do more damage to the world than five drunk guys with baseball bats needs to be kept on a very short and noose-like leash.

September 29, 2010 at 2:59 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Tim: Yes, we all need to be more sensitive to the delicate feelings of corporations.

jadedj: "Let them run the country...openly." They already are.

JR: It won't be pretty.

Randal: Wal-Mart and Sachs are both pussies. I'm gonna vote for Smith & Wesson because of his explosive personality.

Erik: I guess corporations have a right to privacy but people don't.

Lew: That's probably the exact information they're trying to keep secret.

Thomas: That sounds like an excellent guideline.

September 29, 2010 at 7:15 PM  

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