Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

New Career for Pat Boone

What do you do if you’re a washed-up has-been of a “singer” (using the term loosely) who hasn’t had a hit record since Eisenhower was in office? It’s easy — Reinvent yourself as a Birther.

Pat Boone — “who???” — has told the San Francisco Chronicle that President Obama was born in Kenya. He said:

“I was in Kenya a year and a half ago and everybody said, ‘You know, he was born here.’”

Well, that settles it. That’s all the proof I need.

I’ve talked to people who had the misfortune of hearing Pat Boone’s songs on the radio, and they all said “you know, Pat Boone was the most bland untalented singer of all time. His record company must have bribed the radio stations just to get that shit on the air.”

Pat Boone also insists that Obama is spending millions of dollars to hide his records so the public won’t discover his phony birth certificate:

“Why else would he be hiding all of his records? He’s spending millions of dollars so that we do not have his records. And experts have already looked at and been able to verify that this long-form document is a fraud… But the media ignores it… A total fraud. A photo-shopped fraud.”

Old middle-of-the-road singers never die; they just become teabirthers.

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Blogger jadedj said...

"Old middle-of-the-road singers never die..." Nay nay dude...it should read, "Old middle-of-the-road BIBLE THUMPING singers never die..."

I am ashamed to say that Pat boy grew up about 5 blocks from my house. I did not know him (thank you, Jesus), as he was a few years older. But I sure as hell have heard some not very flattering stories about him. It seems he got all beJesused up to match his goodie-two-shoes style of singing, but was not a stranger to local sisters of the midnight mercies.

BTW, who the fuck asked him, anyway?

September 21, 2011 at 4:28 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

jadedj: Small world. I've never known anything about him, but as usual, the louder they thump the Bible the more "sins" they commit when nobody's looking.

September 21, 2011 at 5:36 PM  
Anonymous Jess said...

I thought he was dead already. Oh well, he's old so that will happen soon enough right?

September 21, 2011 at 6:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


This is not the first time he's tried to attract attention:



September 21, 2011 at 11:15 PM  
Anonymous Jolly Roger said...

I heard Pat Boone sprung from the bowels of a cousin romance. Everyone who has ever heard him open his mouth swears he must be an inbred...

September 21, 2011 at 11:21 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

One of America's many problems is that it has never developed a system for revoking celebrity status for cause.

Joan Rivers' husband died, and she cracked wise about him and his demise in a comedy routine. Yet she remained a celebrity. Lisa Minelli was busted and sued for physical spousal abuse, yet she remains a celebrity. Mel Gibson got drunk and launched into an ugly, antisemitic rant, yet he's still a movie star and celebrity.

And then there's our religious-right crackpot crooner, Pat Boone, with nothing better to do than interview everybody in Kenya about the location of the president's birth. And yet, in the eyes of more than a few, he's still a celebrity.

We need some way to impose and enforce media limbo on these has beens who never should've been in the first place.

September 22, 2011 at 1:18 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Jess: Being dead would probably help his non-existent singing career.

Erik: I remember that. He did an album of cover versions of heavy metal hits. I never heard any of it, but I actually admired him for poking fun at himself.

JR: He must be one of those people who thinks there's no such thing as bad publicity, since most of his isn't good.

SW: The only way for celebrity status to be revoked is for the American public to get smarter. And I don't see that happening any time soon. If nothing else, these self-important loudmouths are supplying lots of material for late-night comedians.

September 22, 2011 at 12:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last I heard, he had a show in Branson. Same as being dead, I guess.

September 24, 2011 at 5:31 PM  

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