The Ultra-Cool Hip New Heritage Foundation
When somebody mentions the Heritage Foundation, you probably picture a bunch of simple-minded dunderheads standing around wearing tri-corner hats and holding up misspelled signs – and the billionaires who are pulling their strings.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Somebody at the Heritage Foundation has finally figured out that a bunch of old white bigots preaching to each other is not the path to a larger audience. So they've come up with an online news site, the Daily Signal, which they hope will reach out to America's women, young people, lower-income and minority groups. Millions of these people have never had a chance to understand and appreciate the sleek elegance of the Invisible Hand of the Marketplace.
And when these same people – who have been brainwashed by the liberal media – look inward and examine their own beliefs and values, they'll realize: They shouldn't vote. More than that – they don't WANT to vote until they're pulling in a 6-figure salary and have bought some property; and the more expensive, the better. It's simply not right – in fact it's immoral – for a productive property owner to have his vote canceled out by some swarthy low-income renter who contributes absolutely NOTHING to this great nation.
When the Heritage Foundation succeeds in tapping into the psyches of these previously brainwashed youth, minorities and womenfolk, there will be millions of new converts to the Conservative Cause.
Once again, it's cool to be conservative. Racism rocks, Man.