Ronald Reagan Smiles Down on Daniel Ortega

The irony. 

President Ronald Reagan spent jillions of taxpayer dollars — while preaching about “limited government” — trying to overthrow Nicaragua's President Daniel Ortega.  The American-backed “Freedom Fighters” were as bloodthirsty as any terrorist group ever was.

And it was all for naught.  Despite the mass slaughter and terror perpetrated by our Freedom Fighters — Reagan used to compare them to America's Founding Fathers — Ortega stayed in power.  He stepped down in 1990 (two years after Reagan's presidency ended), and now he's president again (since 2007).

But the good news is, Daniel Ortega isn't that different from Ronald Reagan.  Sure he's a dictator, but that wasn't the reason Reagan wanted him out.  Conservatives only hate dictators who try to redistribute wealth and improve the lives of the masses.  Generations of rightwing dictators throughout Latin America — most of whom were hand-picked and propped up by the United States — were just fine and dandy.

And now it turns out Ronald “If you've seen one redwood you've seen 'em all” Reagan and Daniel Ortega have a lot in common.  They both hate trees, lakes, all that sissy nature stuff; they both love massive development projects; and they both have nothing but contempt for the peasants whose way of life is erased by said development.

Nicaragua's Grand Canal will ultimately stretch 170 miles from the Caribbean to the Pacific.  The Grand Canal is being financed by China.  It will supposedly create thousands of jobs (sound familiar?), but it will displace hundreds of thousands of people who had the nerve to be born where the Grand Canal will be dredged.  There's a lot of public fear and anger, and Daniel Ortega doesn't want to hear about it.

At the center of the controversy is Lake Nicaragua.  It's the largest lake in Central America — 3,000 square miles.  The lake is home to a lot of endangered species as well as being the only water source for hundreds of thousands of people.

A local farmer, whose family has lived in this area for generations, described a visit from Chinese and Nicaraguan engineers who surveyed his property without bothering to ask permission:

“They measured everything, including the laundry, houses, and sheds.  They said they wanted the farm for a five-star hotel.” 

Ronald Reagan is beaming from his grave.

United States Losing Influence in Latin America

And now, straight from the cover of DUUUHHH!!! Magazine: the United States has been exerting less and less influence in Latin America. Oh My God, No!! After all we've done for those dark-skinned funny-talking furriners, and they're turning against us?!?!?

Well, true, we did engineer a coup in Chile that resulted in thousands of citizens being tortured and/or executed. And twenty years earlier we did the same thing in Guatemala. And we tried (unsuccessfully) to do the same thing in Venezuela a few years ago. And we've been trying (again unsuccessfully) for almost fifty years to do the same thing in Cuba. Goddamnit, won't that stubborn Communist ever die??

Oh, and Nicaragua’s Daniel Ortega — we even got help from our second worst enemy in the world in trying to overthrow that #$%$#!$&!! — is now back in power. And some of those South American countries are still growing coca leaves, even though we've pleaded and pleaded with them to crack down on it because we have a bunch of wealthy teenagers in our own country who keep getting themselves addicted to a byproduct of coca leaves. But those damn governments keep whining at us, something about coca leaves being the only livelihood of thousands of dirt-poor farmers, or something. WhatEVer!

And now we’re losing influence among these people. But, but, Why???