Pharmaceutical Giant vs. Religious Right

Whew! Talk about the Clash of the Titans. Mothra vs. Godzilla! It’s a showdown between a huge pharmaceutical conglomerate and the Religious Right. Get your front row seats!

Merck has been lobbying state legislatures to require adolescent girls to use Merck’s vaccine — Gardasil — to protect themselves against cervical cancer. Yes it’s appalling that a large corporation has such a tight scrotal grip on America’s government, but that seems to be a fact of life. At least in this particular case it’s a win-win: more profits for the already-bloated Merck AND a life-saving public health program.

And in this corner: the American Taliban. The Ku Klux Christians. Cervical cancer is often caused by the virus HPV, which is transmitted by sexual contact. And Gardasil protects girls against HPV. Ah yes, you're getting the picture now. We all know that pre-marital sex is EVIL. And this new vaccine will cause millions of 12-year-old girls to run out of the classroom, lie down in the grass and start having raw kinky sex with everything that moves.

This will make God very angry. This infernal vaccine was NOT part of His Plan. Bring on the Fire and Brimstone! If a few of these teenage sluts get cervical cancer — well, that'll learn ‘em.

Merck has now discontinued their lobbying campaign.