Doctors: Going the way of the Telephone Operator and the Milk Man

How quaint. Remember those halcyon days when people got their medical advice and treatment from a D-O-C-T-O-R? These were people whose entire profession was devoted to the practice of medicine. They couldn’t even set up their own practice until they had a Ph.D.

Well, savor the memory. At the rate things are going, doctors will soon be joining the hula hoop and the stage coach in those nostalgic "remember when..." articles.

More and more articles in medical journals — and the “research” behind them — are being written by the pharmaceutical companies. Doctors and medical researchers are allowing their names to be used, but the actual writing is done by the drug companies. Doctors, regulators and publishers have all been taking bribes and other “gifts” from Big Pharm, and in return they’re rolling over for them.

This shouldn’t be surprising. It’s similar to the change that’s already taken place with politicians. Face it — our senators and congressional representatives are pretty much just secretaries now, taking dictation from the CEOs and lobbyists who are actually writing the laws. Or you could say they’re prostitutes, bending and gyrating according to their johns’ instructions.

(Er, didn’t mean to insult either secretaries or prostitutes by comparing them to politicians.)

And now doctors. So when your doctor gives you medical advice or a prescription, will this be based on medical research conducted by scientists? Or will it come from the latest market research by GlaxoSmithKline?

The word “doctor” is totally ingrained in our everyday vocabulary. Think of all the common phrases that will need to evolve in order to keep up with the times. “Ask your doctor about…” — those ubiquitous TV ads will have to change that to “ask your pharmaceutical consultant about...”

That warning label on your medication will read “if symptoms persist, see your Merck sales rep immediately.” Practicing medicine without a license — that won’t matter any more. But practicing medicine without an MBA, that’ll get you in some big big trouble.

This post was brought to you by MerckPfizerRocheBayerJohnson&Johnson. (Yes we’ve all merged; I thought you knew.)

cross-posted at Bring It On!