Jeb Bush Relegated to the Kids' Table on Thanksgiving

Jeb Bush: “OK, this is it — my really truly definitive answer to the Iraq Question”

GOP Candidates' Achilles' Heels: Ask About Iraq

Why bother with cow-tipping when Republican-tipping is so much more fun?  Ambushing Jeb Bush or Marco Rubio with the Iraq question is sort of like sneaking up behind a waiter who's carrying a huge tray full of dishes, and tickling him in the ribs.  

Republican-tipping is not only fun; it's a way to start weeding out the dimmest and most clueless of the wannabes.

Jeb Bush had first said that based on the intelligence we had at the time (2003), he would have invaded Iraq.  Then he sputtered that he had misunderstood the question; he would have done something different, or, uhh, er...  And then finally:

“If we're all supposed to answer hypothetical questions, knowing what we know now, what would you have done? I would not have engaged. I would not have gone into Iraq.”

It depends on what the meaning of is is.

Later, Marco Rubio was asked the same question, and immediately transformed into a mass of incoherent blubbering.  First, the Iraq invasion was a mistake based on what we know now.  Next, it wasn't a mistake because “the world is a better place because Saddam Hussein doesn’t run Iraq.”  And then, trying to get out of his self-dug hole by burrowing in even deeper, he blurted “based on what we know now, I wouldn’t have thought Manny Pacquiao was gonna beat Floyd Mayweather Jr. in that fight a couple of weeks ago.”

Clearly, every White House wannabe needs to be asked the Iraq Question.  Relentlessly.  Mercilessly.  At some point they'll come up with a boilerplate talking point for every candidate to recite verbatim.

And these teleprompted synchronized-swimming recitals will be just as entertaining as their “Uh, what I meant was” “I misunderstood the question” flailings. 

Jeb Bush: “Swarthy Immigrants are Fertile and They’ve Got Good Rhythm”

Sometime during the ‘80s or early ‘90s, George H.W. Bush tried to suck up to a Hispanic audience by saying “We need our gardeners, busboys, nannies…”  (Not an exact quote.)

Fast forward a few decades, and now we have Jeb Bush arguing in favor of immigration reform because “immigrants are more fertile.”  He told an audience at the Faith and Freedom Coalition’s Road to Majority conference:

“Demography is destiny.  We’re going to have fewer workers taking care of a larger number of people that the country has a social contract with to be able to allow them to retire with dignity and purpose. We cannot do that with the fertility rates that we have in our country. We’re below break-even today.  The one way that we can rebuild the demographic pyramid is to fix a broken immigration system to allow for people to come, to learn English, to play by our rules, to embrace our values and to pursue their dreams in our country with a vengeance, to create more opportunities for all of us…Immigrants are more fertile. And they love families and they have more intact families and they bring a younger population.”

On the downside, most of them are gang members and they listen to that Godawful Mariachi music.  But their tacos and enchiladas are to die for.

After his speech, Jeb Bush bought a jumbo bag of pork rinds and then went to a truck stop and asked the waitress for “another splash o’ coffee.”

Jeb Bush: “Si! Viva La Raza!!!”

The Republican Party has alienated millions of Hispanic voters. Gee, just because the party is full of skinheads, KKK/Nazi-types, immigrant bashers and sheltered country-clubbers doesn’t mean they’re “racist” or anything. [sheesh] [pshaw]

Anyway, the GOP has found a solution to their image problem. Not the underlying cause of their shitty image. No. Just the image itself. Jeb Bush (remember now, his wife is a Meskin) has teamed up with Carlos Gutierrez, Boy George’s former commerce secretary. Their new whitewash organization is called the Hispanic Leadership Network. Together, they’ll come up with a band-aid to put over the festering putrefying abscess of hatred and bigotry that IS the Republican Party.

Problem solved.

And speaking of Republican “logic” (popularly known as Cognitive Dissonance):

There are two distinct separate reasons that the unemployment rate is so high. And these two reasons — these two contradictory beliefs — are held simultaneously by all Republicans:

1. It’s Obama’s fault. Completely. Case closed.

AND:

2. If you’re unemployed, it’s YOUR fault. Stop whining, get up off the couch and get the fuck out there and get a job! NOW, you worthless parasite!

[ouch] No wonder Aspirin and Ibuprofen sales are so high. You can get a wicked headache even pretending to think like a Republican.