Corporate America: “Help! Rescue Me! OK, Thank You, Now Get Out of Here.”

During the late ‘60s and early ‘70s there was a popular joke about the overheard conversation of a radical/hippie couple:

“OK, I’m gonna pick up my welfare check, and then I’ll stop by the government housing office and see if I can get an increase in our rent subsidy. You’ll be picking up your unemployment check, and then you’re gonna see how they’re coming along with that government grant money you’re getting. And then at five o’clock we’ll meet at that big protest rally so we can demonstrate against this rotten Fascist government.”

A long time ago I had this old curmudgeonly coworker who used to rail against foreign aid. He’d hold out one hand, palm facing up, and say “They beg for a handout, like this. And then when we hand them the money, they thank us like this.” And he’d close up three fingers of his hand, leaving his middle finger extended.

(Yes I’m going somewhere with this.)

And now Big Business has jumped on the bandwagon. “Thank you for my trillion-dollar handout. Now get the fuck out of my face.”

This article says: “Not so long ago, business and policymakers alike were calling for Uncle Sam to step in and stop the bleeding.” Now that We The Taxpayers have saved them, how are the ungrateful bastards thanking us?

Take John A. Allison IV (please!), chairman of BB&T Bank: “They're making business decisions in a way that is political. Where does it stop? The people making the decisions don't have the knowledge of the industries, of the institutions, to make good business decisions.”

Riiight. These business decisions should be made by the same retarded fuckwits that got us into this shithole in the first place. DUUUHHH!!!

And now the U.S. Chamber of Commerce is launching their “Campaign for Free Enterprise.” They’re saying that “capitalism is at a crossroads,” and they’re rallying the Herbert Hoover wannabes to “defend and advance America's free enterprise values in the face of rapid government growth and attacks by anti-business activists … one of the most important and necessary initiatives in the Chamber's nearly 100-year history.” And they’re calling for “a transparent exit strategy to ensure the timely withdrawal of the federal government from these most extreme and unusual forms of intervention.”

“Capitalism is at a crossroads” — Uh, I would’ve thought the “crossroads” was last September when the shit hit the fan. Oh wait, that’s right, “the fundamentals of the economy were strong” back then. The trouble didn’t start until those damn government bureaucrats started meddling. OK, got it now.

And now, of all times, the rightwads are calling for an “exit strategy.” An “Exit Strategy?!?!?!?!?” Now?????? Where was this “Exit Strategy” when we needed one????