John Raese: West Virginia’s Next Senator?

How come Christine O’Donnell and Sharron Angle are getting all the publicity? They’re stealing valuable media coverage from some of the other wackjobs running for the Senate.

Take John Raese (please!) Robert Byrd will be spinning in his grave if this dildo takes his place in the U.S. Senate. True, he isn’t a witch like O’Donnell, and unlike Sharron Angle he hasn’t urged people to take “Second Amendment Remedies” against Democrats.

But he wants to abolish the minimum wage. And he recently bragged on a radio talk show that “I made my money the old fashioned way. I inherited it.”

And now he wants to take Ronald Reagan’s delusional “Star Wars” defense to a whole new level. He says we need a thousand lasers in the sky (not to be confused with “a thousand points of light”) to protect us from Communists, terrorists, homosexuals, government bureaucrats, or whatever it is he’s so terrified of.

“If there is a rogue missile aimed at our country, we have 33 minutes to figure out what we're going to do. We are sitting with the only technology in the world that works and it's laser technology. We need 1,000 laser systems put in the sky and we need it right now. That is of paramount importance.”

“Paramount importance” — are you sure you don’t mean Paranoid? Twitchy little bugger, isn’t he. If you snuck up behind him and yelled “Boo!” how high do you think he’d jump?

In the same speech where he talked about protecting our families with lasers, he also said:

“Weak people breed weak nations. If we are going to be weak, we are going to lose the nation, aren't we. Are we going to be weak? I don't think so ... We're not going to be weak and we're not going to lose our nation. We have two election cycles. We have got to git-r-dun.”

Believe it or not, Laser Boy is actually running ahead of his opponent, West Virginia Governor Joe Manchin.