Woodstock 2010

Hey Man, did you miss the original Woodstock? How about the 25th Anniversary Woodstock wannabe in 1994?

Don’t worry; it’s cool. You can still catch this year’s Woodstock. It's the grooviest one yet Man. It’ll be at the Monona County Fairgrounds in Onawa, Iowa. And the date — well what date do you think, Man??? September 11th, when else Man? Can't get any more symbolic than that.

Our country survived the terrorist attack nine years ago on that date, by those swarthy Muslims from Iraq. And By God we'll survive the daily Assaults On Freedom by this even swarthier Muslim from Kenya who stole our White House, thank you ACORN and George Soros.

It’ll be 1969 all over again. Back then we were all protesting against the War on Vietnam. And this year we’re all protesting against that Kenyan Fascist in the White House and his War on Real Americans.

Insurance companies, banks, oil companies — they’re our brothers and sisters Man. Freedom! If you don’t want a bunch of government bureaucrats — Big Brother! — poking around in your bank account and your health insurance policy, then come to Woodstock 2010. Death to the Fascist Power Structure!

The drug scene won’t be quite as cool this year. But who needs pot and LSD? We’ll have teabags for everyone. Sure our parents and grandparents thought it was groovy, lying there naked in the rain and mud forty-one years ago.

But this year, well picture this: Thousands of us — Patriots! Real Americans! — lying there in a field in Iowa. And we’ll all be Teabagging!

So come on, Patriots. What are you doing this September 11th? Come and join us. All of your friends will be here.

And just wait ‘til you hear the music at Woodstock 2010. Sure, that psychedelic shit was OK forty-one years ago. But those groups all sounded the same. And what kind of talent does it take to just hold a guitar string up next to the microphone and make a bunch of screeching feedback noises? It sounds cool if you’re stoned, I guess. But that was then.

This year, we’ll be featuring both kinds of music — country AND western.