Rick Perry: No More Interaction with the Public

First, Rick Perry decided not to take part in any more debates.  Next he decided — hey, I might as well take this to the next level and just tune out the riffraff completely.  Rick Perry told an interviewer:

“I’m not a people person, so why keep pretending?  I come up with a lot of big ideas.  Texas Big.  But I get treated pretty ugly whenever I talk about them in public.  I like to make big meaningless smoke and mirrors productions — like my giant prayer rally last month at that huge stadium.  I need to be the center of it all, completely in control.  As soon as somebody asks me a question, I get thrown off message.  Everything collapses.  I go from being the Wizard of Oz to being that pitiful little man behind the curtain yelling ‘pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.’  So I’m not gonna do this any more.”

Rick Perry’s wife Anita is relieved that her husband won’t be out there in the spotlight any more, being asked one annoying question after another.  She said:

“The media hates Rick because he’s a devout Christian.  Rolling Stone has a mean article about him, calling him ‘the best little whore in Texas’ and saying he has the build of a retired underwear model.  We just don’t need this.”

Rick Perry continued:

“When I become president, I won’t be dealing in person with Congress or any other politicians.  One of my handlers will come up with a few folksy soundbites, I’ll recite them in front of a video recorder, and an aide will just play the video whenever he needs to.  I’ll be doing this with foreign leaders too.  Why should I travel to some weird place where everybody talks funny like?”

By eliminating all public interaction with politicians and reporters, Rick Perry will have more time to do what he does best:  Fundraising, and creating phony “regulatory” agencies to which he can appoint his largest campaign donors, where they will pretend to “regulate” their own industries.