John Boehner — Speaker of the House

[forms index fingers into a cross] Doesn’t that title just make your blood crawl? [shudder] That’s even worse than those “President Palin” bumper stickers we’ve all seen.

K Street lobbyists are viewing John Boehner as a “good investment.” His unwavering opposition to anything and everything Obama wants, his ability to get his minions (formerly known as congressmen) to march in lockstep and obey his orders without question — Boehner will give America back to Wall Street.

He’s already leaning on a “kitchen cabinet” of lobbyists for more and more contributions to Republican congressional candidates so Republicans can capture the House this November.

If Republicans do capture the House and Boehner gets this promotion, they’ll have to change his job title to Blubbering Crybaby of the House.

It’s too easy to make fun of those two-faced Republican politicians who voted against the stimulus package, trashing it in the process, and then when the stimulus was passed — clutching and grasping at it like a crazed junkie. Rachel Maddow devoted an entire program to naming politicians who had voted against the stimulus, and then were photographed taking part in ribbon-cutting ceremonies for local projects that were Made Possible by that commie stimulus package.

This dead horse has been kicked enough already. Or maybe it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

When the stimulus was being debated, Texas Governor Rick Perry — a self-reliant rugged individualist — said that rejecting the stimulus money “was pretty simple for us. We can take care of ourselves…I am so concerned about the belief that has gained a foothold in our national consciousness that the best and only way to solve our nation’s problems is to drown them with taxpayer dollars.”

He added that Texas “should look a gift horse in the mouth.”

After Congress passed the stimulus, Perry “reluctantly” accepted the money, saying:

“I believe there are better ways to reinvigorate our economy and believe the bill will burden future generations with unprecedented levels of debt.”

Now — and this is where the drug addict comes back for “just one more fix” — the Wall Street Journal reports that Texas has a balanced budget this year because of the stimulus money that Perry refused and then reluctantly accepted.

What would Texas do if they had seceded? Apply for foreign aid from our Kenyan president?

Rick Perry — the former Badass Rugged Individualist — is now slumped on the sidewalk, totally disheveled, holding up a “Will Work For Food” sign.