Who Hijacked Our Country

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Letter from Karl Rove

Dear Osama:

Attaboy!! I can always count on you, Osie Baby. God, and just in time. Some of these Goddamn reporters and bloggers have been poking their noses where they don’t belong. Things were getting way too close for comfort. You sure saved my ass with your little “diversion” this morning. Whew!! I owe you!

God, people sure are a bunch of sheep. Every time I think they won’t fall for another one of your little “distractions,” they fall harder than ever. Yesss!!! Those education cuts that we started in the 1980s are working better than I ever hoped. God, what a generation of dumbfucks!! It doesn’t even matter how stupid Sockpuppet George is, the American public makes him look like Einstein.

God, I’m so relieved. This time yesterday everything just sucked. Sucked!! Sockpuppet’s poll ratings were lower than ever. He wasn’t even able to hold his own at that G8 meeting — squirming and twitching every time those treehugging euroweenies starting whining about Africa and global warming. And now our London “project” has really given them something to whimper about. Awwright!! Africa, global warming? Don’t think so!

Yesterday it looked like I might be doing the perp walk for my Valerie Plame trick. They really throw the book at you for treason, don’t they? I don’t want to go to jail. I don’t wanna. I won’t. Please God, Allah, anybody — I can’t go to jail. Perp walk, hell, what kind of walk would I be doing after a short time in jail? Nooo!!! That’s for lower-class laborer types, not the upper crust like me.

I got beaten up by a girl once. I don’t know how I’d defend myself against a large sweaty tattooed convict who wanted to do wicked things to me. Ooohhh!!!

But it’s all moot now. Valerie Plame, Iraqi war deaths, Downing Street memos, our little scheme for Iran, Chicken George’s poll ratings — all relegated back to page 41 where they should’ve stayed. We’re gonna have to have a talk with some of our media puppets; give them a little “reminder” not to let these embarrassing stories leak into the headlines again.

And now we’ll be able to expand the Patriot Act beyond our wildest wetdreams. Ugghhh!!! Ugghhh!!! Yeesssss!!!!!!!

Oh God, Osama, I’m so grateful, I can’t even express it. You sure saved my ass (literally!). I hope this is all the help we’ll need for awhile, but I’m still keeping you on retainer. The 2006 midterm election campaign will be in full swing this time next year, and I’m all out of phony wedge issues; I’ve used them all up. So I may need you again.

Let’s see, New York, Madrid, London — where should our next location be? Hell, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Thanks again for all your invaluable assistance.


Blogger Andrew L said...

Hey, great blog [found on Blogexplosion]. Love the title.

I recently posted an article on Freedom's Gate titled When was America highjacked anyway?

Anway, keep up the good work!

July 7, 2005 at 7:40 PM  
Blogger Brother Kenya said...

Zing! It does kinda make ya think, don't it...

July 7, 2005 at 7:59 PM  
Blogger Brad said...

Nice. Keep up the good stuff.

July 8, 2005 at 12:26 AM  
Blogger ~jay said...

how did I know you was thinkin' what I was thinkin? Sure seems to happen a lot around here ;-) Great post, much appreciated.


July 8, 2005 at 12:54 AM  
Blogger The Bulldog Manifesto said...

Yup. Pretty much what I've been sayin' too.

Its starting to become transparent now.

July 8, 2005 at 2:07 AM  
Blogger Mags said...

My thoughts exactly.

July 8, 2005 at 2:43 AM  
Blogger StatBabe said...

Tom, I hope that the implication of complicity in the latest act of terrorism was tongue-in-cheek. Obviously, Karl Rove is a master of political manipulation--particularly in situations like this latest terrorist attack. But I no more believe that Rove, Bush, or anyone in the Bush White House had anything to do with the attack on London than I believe that they had anything to do with 9/11. With 9/11, gross incompetence and derelection of duty were at work.

Having said that, what DOES continue to amaze me is the ability of Rove and company to turn sheer incompetence (as exhibited by 9/11) into an opportunity for political gain combined with the gullibility and stupidity of the American electorate to suck up such blatant political propaganda without bothering to ponder even the simplest questions, like what was Bush doing for a full month before 9/11? Why is it that NO ONE has lost his/her job after the security failures that led to 9/11? Why did Condi Rice get "promoted" when she is the person that let the previously formulated plan for taking out al Qaida's training camps in Afghanistan sit on her desk untouched for EIGHT MONTHS?!?

I could go on, but you catch my drift. The attacks in London are convenient for Bush, Rove, and company. However, as you have aptly pointed out, the REASON that Rove can use this tragic affair as an effective diversionary tactic is based in the starvation of public education and the "dumbing down" of the "unwashed masses". One can only wonder what would happen today if the Watergate scandal unfolded with bug-planting burglars caught red-handed in the Democratic National Headquarters, the Nixon enemies list, the tampered tape recordings, etc. I can remember the Watergate scandal (which actually encompassed so much more than Watergate itself!) so well, and I honestly have my doubts about whether it would even be a "blip" in the news today! Clearly, the general public was slow to appreciate the seriousness of the crimes involved, given Nixon's landslide defeat of McGovern. However, when it emerged that all conversations were tape recorded, and particularly when the missing minutes came to light, only the hardcore partisans could deny the abuse of power and the systematic criminality of the behavior! At least, there was enough awareness of the severity of the offenses involved that "streaking" became a wildly popular phenomenon on college campuses nationwide! Although I believe that a similar trend should be at work today, I doubt that we will see it, and sadly, I doubt that anyone will ever be brought to justice for the crimes perpetrated by the Bush administration.

July 8, 2005 at 5:01 AM  
Blogger Nariel said...

Dear Tom:

Well I believe it was just a few posts ago, that you and I had hypothesized about what type of "diversion" would be coming down the line soon..

I must say though.. that my immediate intuitive response was that this didn't sound like an arabic group.. the name, the syntax of the organization's name.. the upper lower case thing.. just didn't even remotely LOOK or FEEL like a middle eastern legitimate group.

Which of course, makes it all that much worse.. who would do this.. and try to push the blame elsewhere? I guess I've lived too long.. seen too much... cause it just doesn't feel like Al Quaeda to me..

July 8, 2005 at 6:31 AM  
Blogger hardigan said...

Tom, that was kick ass post. I think that you're giving Swift, in the tradition of "A Modest Proposal", a run for his money.

That was classic!

July 8, 2005 at 7:17 AM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Andrew: Thanks. I like Freedom’s Gate a lot too. I’m not totally Libertarian but I agree with a lot of their views.

Brother Kenya: Yeah, it’s getting harder not to think this.

Brad: Thanks.

~jay: Thanks. I think more and more people are starting to think this. It’s hard not to.

Bulldog Manifesto: Yup, it’s looking more and more like this.

Mags: Yup, my thoughts too.

Statbabe: I really can’t say whether my accusation was tongue-in-cheek or not; a little of both I guess. I don’t quite want to come out and accuse Bush/Rove/Cheney of working hand-in-glove with bin Laden, but it’s getting harder and harder not to think this. There’s certainly been a lot of incredible negligence before and after 9/11; gross negligence that should have gotten a lot of people fired instead of promoted, like you said.

But after too much negligence it’s hard not to wonder if it isn’t deliberate. It’s like when you have a slow driver in front of you that you’ve been tailgating for miles, and he keeps getting slower and even more erratic. Finally you start wondering if anyone can possibly be that oblivious or if this person is deliberately taunting you. (I know it’s a dumb comparison but it’s the best I can do at the moment.)

I agree with you that if the Watergate scandal happened today, it would be buried on page 37 and soon forgotten about (at least I think that’s what you were saying). I also doubt that anyone in this administration will be brought to justice; they’re just too slick.

Nariel: That’s right, we were speculating what Rove would come up. I was only thinking in terms of another phony wedge issue, and not something this drastic. Things are getting “curiouser and curiouser.”

Hardigan: Thanks!

July 8, 2005 at 11:15 AM  
Blogger Fred said...

Didn't our previous attorney general claim that the terror alerts were manipulated under his watch by the Bush Administration?

July 8, 2005 at 11:18 AM  
Blogger John said...

Wow. Looney Left Derangement at its finest.

Don't forget your tinfoil hat!

July 8, 2005 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Kitchen Window Woman said...

Another good one! I love "sockpuppet" it sure describes how GWB looked on the telly yesterday. This is so nice for Karl and company. They will milk this for all they can get. That is why we have to turn up the heat before all is lost behind a smokescreen of overplayed sentimentality.

July 8, 2005 at 12:18 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Fred Villarreal: Of course. And when Bush’s current henchmen retire or transfer, they will undoubtedly admit their sleazy activities in July of ‘05.

John Rodgers: If you’re gullible enough to keep believing the lies from this administration, then you probably buy something every time a telemarketer calls you up.

Kitchen Window Woman: Yup, this is just way too convenient for Rove and Co. A Christmas present in July.

July 8, 2005 at 12:27 PM  
Blogger John said...

I really think it is sad that you don't realize what a freakin loon you are if you belive this crap. The terrorists we are fighting is evil. I'm sick of you lefties sympathizing with the enemy and trying to turn a tragedy around for some kind of loony conspiracy theory for political gain.

July 8, 2005 at 4:25 PM  
Blogger Kender said...

"Hell, we can cross that bridge when we come to it"

I believe that the correct term is "We will bomb that bridge when we come to it."

July 8, 2005 at 5:40 PM  
Blogger I.M. Dedd said...

Wow. Talk about your coincidences. I got a letter from Rove today, too!! It said, "stop drawing that crap or I'll sit on you."

Guess I better stop, eh?

July 8, 2005 at 6:20 PM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

But..... but.... we're fighting them "there" so we don't have to fight them "here."

Now somebody is wrong, way fucking wrong here. Sorry wingers, you cannot have it both ways.

July 8, 2005 at 7:10 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Jay777: Ssshhhh, calm down, take a deep breath…Sympathizing with the enemy? Where’d you get that? Are you sure you read the post? I’m accusing (I’m almost to that point anyway) Bush and Rove and Cheney of working with the enemy; there’s no sympathy there (except for the victims of course).

Political gain for the Left? Come on, think. The timing here is just too perfect for Bush’s agenda. All of his scandals -- Valerie Plame, Iraqi war casualties, Downing Street memos -- disappear from the headlines. And now there’ll be more sympathy for his agenda: rightwing justice for the Supreme Court, expanding the Patriot Act, etc. Coincidence?

Kender: That’s right, “bomb,” that’s what I meant to say.

I.M. Dedd: Uh oh, he’s a big ‘un. You could always wear a suit of armor with lots of sharp spikes sticking out, and see if he still wants to sit on you. (Who knows, he might enjoy it more than ever.)

July 8, 2005 at 7:22 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Jolly Roger: Oh, it’s a great strategy. We just haven’t been doing enough of it. We’ll have to step up the fighting in Iraq so the strategy will work better. Or we could invade Iran. (Or maybe we already have and it got buried on page 57.)

July 8, 2005 at 7:26 PM  
Blogger ~jay said...

I love how the zealots have to resort to name calling. Come on, come up with something real to say.


July 8, 2005 at 9:05 PM  
Blogger hardigan said...

Kender, your compacity for stupidity is awesome-tastic!

I have known few individuals who can say so little in so few words, and say less the more words they add.

That is the mark of a true "master"

You are a credit to every Flying Monkey Squadron soaring the skies of the blogosphere.

July 9, 2005 at 12:25 AM  
Anonymous BlueMom said...

Tom- Hilarious bit of satire. I loved it. Noting here that your critics have nothing more constructive to add. Their capacity for name-calling just strengthens your position. NOTE TO CRITIC Jay777: "The terrorists we are fighting is evil." Consult http://www.junketstudies.com/rulesofw/
(It is a website covering rules of grammar.)

July 9, 2005 at 11:37 AM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

~jay, Hardigan, BlueMom: Thanks. You’re right, if they have to resort to namecalling I assume they don’t have a valid argument to make.

July 9, 2005 at 12:34 PM  
Anonymous Jonathan said...

Eh. Not amusing.

You realize that people died, right?

Glad you can crack wise at the expense of others' lives.

July 9, 2005 at 10:32 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Jonathan: Are you sure you read the post? I wasn’t “cracking wise” about the bombing deaths. I have some family members that live in London. I was making the point that Bush (or whoever is pulling his strings) might -- just might, I don’t quite want to make any accusations yet -- have had something to do with it. He lied to get us involved in Iraq (see Downing Street Memos); he’s the most corrupt, secretive, unaccountable president in our history. In spite of all his rhetoric about “a culture of life,” I don’t think he places any value on life whatsoever (unless there’s a TV camera present).

That’s who you should be lecturing about the deaths in London.

July 10, 2005 at 10:38 AM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

Jonathan is using that tried and true Shrub Gopper tactic, projection.

He may not remember that knee-slapping El Shrubbo "hunt for WMD" at the (neutered) journalists' dinner, but I remember it quite well. If Jonathan wants to see an example of someone making light of tens of thousands of deaths, he should start there.

July 11, 2005 at 1:46 PM  
Anonymous Tom Harper said...

Jolly Roger: You're right, I think Bush and his puppetmasters are the ones making light of all these thousands of deaths.

July 11, 2005 at 5:12 PM  

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