Onion Makes Bush Cry

George W. Bush has been unable to capture Osama bin Laden. The budget surplus we had five years ago is now a record deficit. Our cakewalk in Iraq has turned into an endless quagmire with over 2,000 American soldiers killed. The gap between the richest 2% and the rest of America's population is wider than in most Third World countries.

But first things first. Bush has finally tackled this urgent problem: The Onion, a well-known satirical newspaper. The Bush Administration has been the butt of some of their jokes (who hasn’t?) and Little Boy Blueblood is having a tantrum.

Technically, the White House is complaining that The Onion uses the presidential seal on their website and has asked them to stop. I think the dainty little Spoiled One just can’t take a joke. During the 2000 presidential campaign, Bush heard about a website that was making fun of him and demanded that it be shut down. He was genuinely dumbfounded that the authorities couldn’t shut down a website just because the heir to the White House was offended.

If our Delicate Douchebag gets offended so easily, he ain’t seen nothing. If he thinks The Onion is making fun of him, he should look here, here and here, among other places.

Or, if he happens to have a shred of decency or integrity (riiight) he could think about the 2,000 American soldiers killed, and the fact that it was his lies and deception that killed them. Now that’s offensive.

But Nooo!!!! He’d rather just pout and bury his head in the sand and pretend everything’s just fine. As we speak he’s probably having a little sulking party with his closest friends: Jim Beam, George Dickel, I.W. Harper (no relation), Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels…

Is Bush planning to crack down on other people who’ve made fun of him? Uh oh, I’ve written a few uncomplimentary things about him. Hmmm, now just in case something should happen to