Who Hijacked Our Country

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Biblehumpers, Snakehandlers and Bookburners (continued)

These Rightwing religious fanatics have way too much time on their hands. That’s the only possible explanation for shit like this.

As you’ve probably heard and read, Christmas is more of a political football than ever this year. Is this what Jesus wanted? Certain “Christian” groups are boycotting some of the largest retail chains for the wicked blasphemy of not using the word “Christmas” often enough in their ads and promotions. Get a life! Get a job!

Target and Sears are the biggest targets of these Crusaders. If they continue to use generic terms like “Holiday” instead of “Christmas,” no snakehandlers will darken their doorway. One of the boycott leaders is a group called (this isn’t a joke) the Committee To Save Merry Christmas. What are these assholes gonna do the rest of the year?

A recent survey indicates that one out of seven shoppers has walked out of a department store when employees didn’t say “Merry Christmas.” One out of seven?!?!? Where are these imbeciles coming from??? That does it – What we need is a major birth control program for Biblehumpers. Ordinarily I’d be against forced sterilization, but…

The American Girl doll company is also being boycotted by the Self-Righteous Brigade. American Girl makes a wholesome, clean-cut alternative to Barbie dolls. Their dolls are dressed in elaborate costumes from various periods of American history, and each doll comes with a booklet describing that period. Not good enough! Some busybody discovered that the American Girl company has donated money to a girls’ support group which supports, among other things, Roe vs. Wade and a tolerant view toward gays. Blasphemy! Boycott!

No Sanctimonious Christian story would be complete without James Dobson and Focus on the Family. Their latest stunt? They’re dumping their bank, Wells Fargo, because of Wells Fargo’s “gay agenda.” Wells Fargo is headquartered in San Francisco. In the course of trying to be a good corporate citizen, they’ve apparently supported too many “gay” causes. Maybe White Aryan Federated would be more suitable for Dobson and his clan.

There was a Garfield strip a long time ago, where Garfield was thinking “my life is so boring. Nobody else’s life could possibly be as boring and meaningless as mine.” Then John walks in and announces “Today’s the day! This is it! This is the day I’m going to trim my nose hairs.” And Garfield is thinking “I stand corrected.”

The total boredom and uselessness of Biblehumpers’ lives always reminds me of that Garfield strip.

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