Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, December 28, 2007

Swiftboat Veterans Against Jesus

It looks like the rift is growing between Big Business and the Rapture crowd. This has to be one of the wackiest most twisted political coalitions in history — money-grubbing CEOs and Bible-totin’ tent revivalists. Helllooo!?!?!?!?! 2,000 years ago a wandering prophet preached love, compassion and tolerance and drove the money changers from the temple. And 2,000 years later, millions of his followers are still reciting his slogans, but they're voting for the money changers. WTF???

Everyone to the left of Grover Norquist and less hateful than James Dobson has probably been waiting for years — decades —for these two groups to finally split up.

It’s easy to deceive yourself and see what you want to see, but things are looking hopeful. First, the “Family Values” dildos were threatening to splinter off into a third party if Giuliani gets the nomination. It’s probably just a hollow threat, but it’s a beginning; a crack in the wall.

And now the same rightwing millionaires who created Chickenhawk Shitstains Slandering a War Veteran Swiftboat Veterans for Truth are aiming their multi-million dollar hate machine toward Mike Huckabee.

Doesn’t Huckabee F%#$in’ Get It??? Sure, 99% of the Bible is about having compassion and helping people and not judging lest ye be judged and all that drivel. But come on, those are just symbols; code words. Nobody takes that shit seriously. One tenth of one percent of the Bible condemns promiscuity and homosexuality, and THIS is what conservative politicians have been focusing on.

THIS is how tens of millions of struggling working-class voters have been persuaded to keep voting against their own interests. “Yes, my opponent wants to increase your wages and raise your living standards, and I plan on keeping you down there in the gutter with piss-poor job prospects, no health coverage and shitty schools. But the good news is, I hate fags and pregnant sluts just as much as you do. Vote for Me!”

And it’s worked like a charm for almost thirty years. And then along comes this dumb redneck do-gooder who actually believes all that shit in the Bible about caring and helping others yada yada yada. And he has millions of followers. He's ruining the Game Plan! Swiftboat Veterans to the rescue!

Houston homebuilder Bob Perry donated $4.5 million to the Slander Kerry campaign in 2004. This year he's backing Mitt Romney’s campaign and so far he's donated $200,000 to ClubForGrowth.net so they can smear Huckabee. Huckabee calls them the Club For Greed, and now it’s payback time.

Come on wingnuts, tear each other apart. Go for the jugular! Maybe, just maybe, this coalition of sickfucks will collapse. It’s sort of like seeing somebody you hate walk down the street yelling at himself and punching himself in the face.

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Blogger Candace said...

Wait, are you saying that Huckabee is a true believer? Huckabee, who btw does not have a divinity degree but doesn't correct people who call him a Southern Baptist MINISTER, does not actually believe all that Bible stuff, IMO. I think he's just another huckster who is using religion as a way to get power. I could be wrong. But he abused his gubernatorial powers to get charges against his son dropped, and then fired the cop. That's the action of a true hypocrite, not a believer.

December 28, 2007 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Candace: Oh, I'm sure he's an asshole and a hypocrite just like all the rest of them. And he's into all the fire and brimstone as well as the "helping others" part. But corporate types don't like him because he raised taxes in Arkansas to pay for education and social programs. I'm just glad to see a crack in the wall; hope it keeps widening.

December 28, 2007 at 4:07 PM  
Anonymous rockync said...

Excellent commentary! I'll be chuckling about this one all evening.

December 28, 2007 at 5:12 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Rockync: Thanks. I just hope there'll be some truth to it, that this coalition really will start to crumble.

December 28, 2007 at 7:02 PM  
Blogger Mile High Pixie said...

Wouldn't it be funny/sad/pathetic to imagine an actual Swift Boat Veterans Against The Savior Campaign? "He hangs out in the street with prostitutes! He just hands out money and gives actual time and attention to lazy street people! And he threw the moneychanges out of the temple--he hates capitalism, and he hates FREEDOM!"

December 28, 2007 at 7:20 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mile High Pixie: That's pretty much what this current Swiftboat campaign amounts to. Huckabee is conservative -- he preaches fire and brimstone and is in favor of Iraqmire -- but he also raised taxes in Arkansas for social programs. This is blasphemy for millions of phony Christians. It's ironic to see rightwing "Christians" condemning a politician for actually trying to practice what the Bible preaches. Yes, Jesus hates free enterprise and he associates with lowlifes and perverts. Crucify him!

December 28, 2007 at 7:27 PM  
Blogger anna said...

I would pay money to see someone I hate punching themselves in the face!! Pull up a lawn chair, make popcorn....

Assholes, hypocrites. Same person different title.

Iraqmire.....me likey!!

December 29, 2007 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Candace said...

Hahahaaaaa! Swift Boat the Savior - brilliant, Mile High Pixie.

December 29, 2007 at 9:50 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Anna: Yup, that would be quite a show. Ringside seats, get your popcorn, cold beer...

December 29, 2007 at 10:19 AM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Great post, Tom. I think it's hilarious that the country club Republicans are now welcoming back McCain since Mitt and Rudy are both floundering. The GOP is truly reaping what they sowed.

December 29, 2007 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

J: Yup, it's beyond time for these people to reap what they sow.

December 29, 2007 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger proudprogressive said...

Great POST !! love your style.

ah there is one thing, the rightwing nuts love and its MONEY BABY MONEY. No wonder they like mitt, and mitt likes MILTON FRIEDMAN, more then he likes anything else.

From your mouth to gawd's ears may they destroy themselves as 30 yrs of Disaster Capitalism has run its course..South America is waking up, to it, Now how long before "good christian consevative, AmeriKants realize, that they are being played like violins..by corporatists, not by heavenly leaders sent to impose a theocracy on us...hmmm

December 29, 2007 at 11:59 AM  
Blogger Larry said...

Good post.

Eventually the moral elitists would let their egos and their arrogance strive for what the other had, coupled with the constant praise of Bush and his wars from Falwell, Robertson, Dobson ect, so it was natural their own creation has been their downfall.

December 29, 2007 at 2:55 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Proud Progressive: Thanks. Yup, 30 years of Disaster Capitalism has been more than enough. I'm glad so many South American governments have finally gotten tired of being pawns for Bechtel and Exxon. Maybe these Christian voters are finally realizing they've been getting played like violins. It took them long enough.

December 29, 2007 at 2:57 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Larry: Very well put. Let's hope and pray (or something) that their downfall really happens.

December 29, 2007 at 3:03 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

If Jesus was around today, he would be considered a lunatic hippie or worse, and he would be hated by our "compassionate" conservatives about as much as they hate Cindy Sheehan. No sir, Christ wouldn't stand much of a chance with today's Christian conservatives!

I'd like to see the MTV "Celebrity Deathmatch" show take on some of these yo-yos. Of course on the Dem side we would have a knock-down drag-out bout between Obama and Clinton. Maybe it would be a tag-team match with Bill and Hillary versus Obama and Edwards. I think a "Deathmatch" between Romney and Huckabee would be great fun. Giuliani versus McCain might not be bad, but I think it would be more fun to watch Giuliani versus Ahmedinejad. How about Dubya versus Kerry, and in this case Kerry would stomp George into the mat.

The deathmatches wouldn't have to just be between political candidates. Richard Dawkins versus Pat Robertson would be a hoot, and maybe we could see Christopher Hitchens take on James Dobson, too! Or a match between John Bolton and the entire U.N.? Bill O'Reilly could take on Keith Olbermann, and James Carville could match up with Rich Lowry. What about Ralph Reed getting his teeth handed to him by author Sam Harris?

December 29, 2007 at 9:18 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: Cool. I'd pay to see any of those fights.

If you've seen Easy Rider, you know what would happen to Jesus if he came back. Some righteous Biblehump would go BLAM!

December 29, 2007 at 11:15 PM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Tom, your last paragraph pretty much sums up my feeling on these assholes.
They all practice cognitive dissonance. The rank and file Jesusheads may loathe the gooper money boys, but as long as they're convinced they'll get a bone or two tossed their way, they're in.

Anything is better than Hitlery, the Nazi-Commie-Lesbo-Single Payer Devil, huh.

December 30, 2007 at 3:13 AM  
Blogger Carlos said...

Superb post. I am so sick and fucking tired of all the hypochristians in our country.

Organized religion is going to ruin our country. The religious right will eventually become as intollerant and as evil as the extremists in the Middle East they condemn today.

December 30, 2007 at 7:08 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Randal: I think the trouble started because the Christians are no longer satisfied with just a few bones. They want to be in charge now, and the phony corporate "Christians" never intended this. They've created a monster.

Carlos: Thanks. I think the radical Christians are every bit as twisted and intolerant as their Moslem counterparts. The movie Jesus Camp is gonna be on TV tonight (A&E I think). I rented it a few months ago; once is enough. That particular Bible camp is closed now but there are plenty of others just like it. I don't see one shred of difference between the people in that movie and the Islamofascists. We're lucky enough to have a secular democratic government that protects us from the Christofascists. Let's hope we can hold onto it.

December 30, 2007 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

I'm so glad to hear this coalition is finally breaking apart. It was literally a deal with the devil on the part of the right-wing religious faction. It was doomed to fail eventually once they started to see through the B.S. the GOP was slinging.

January 1, 2008 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Mauigirl: A deal with the Devil, yup, that's exactly what the Religious Right has done. I sure hope that sick coalition is finally unraveling.

January 1, 2008 at 11:31 PM  
Blogger Generik said...

The GOP fracturing at the seams? Falling apart along secular/religious lines? Be still my beating heart! Oh, brave new world, with such people in it!

Can you tell that I'm pretty much ecstatic about the very possibility?

January 4, 2008 at 3:49 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Generik: Yup, that's the stuff that ecstatic dreams are made of. Big Business and the Religious Right have been partners long enough; they can't split up soon enough for me.

January 4, 2008 at 6:33 PM  

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