Primary My Congressman

Primary My Congressman is a new website launched by the Club for Growth.  Club for Growth is determined to weed out every moderate congressional Republican and replace him/her with a teabagger.  If your representative is one of those soft squishy RINOs who doesn’t represent Real Americans, Primary My Congressman will arrange for a true rightwing teahadist to defeat your congressman in the next primary.

Club for Growth president Chris “Count” Chocola said:

“Big government liberals inhabit the Democratic Party, but they are far too common within the Republican Party as well.  The Republicans helped pass billions of dollars in tax increases and they have repeatedly voted against efforts by fiscal conservatives to limit government. PrimaryMyCongressman.com will serve as a tool to hold opponents of economic freedom and limited government accountable for their actions.”

If you’re not certain whether your congressman is a true conservative or a limp-wristed RINO, try the following litmus test:

1. Your congressman believes sick people should (a) have their basic health needs covered by government-financed health insurance; or (b) curl up and DIE.

2. Your congressman believes our national parks (a) are a valuable part of America’s heritage and should continue to receive government funding; or (b) should be converted to private ownership for maximum development, mining, drilling and cattle grazing.

3. Your congressman believes the wealthiest 1% of Americans (a) should pay at least the same income tax rate as a secretary or a janitor; or (b) Do NOT, repeat NOT, tax the Job Creators!

Obviously, (b) is the correct answer to all three questions.  If your congressman would answer (a) to even one of those questions, you know what to do:  Primary that latté-sipping tree-hugging sissy.  He/she will be defeated in the primary by a true tea-bagging patriotic American.

And then in the general election, the Club-for-Growth-financed teatard candidate will be defeated by the Democrat.

Works for me.

Clash of the Titans: Karl Rove vs. the Tea Party

Rightwing billionaire vs. rightwing billionaire — gotta love it.  The next few elections will probably have even more campaign spending and more smearing than the 2012 mudfest.  And most of it will be Republicans slandering and shitting on each other.  Works for me.

Karl Rove’s American Crossroads has launched a new PAC called the Conservative Victory Project.  American Crossroads president Steven Law will be running the Conservative Victory Project.

The purpose of the Conservative Victory Project is to squelch the teatard candidates who keep winning the primary and then losing the general election.  You know — Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin, Richard “Rape is God’s Will” Mourdock, Christine “I am Not a Witch” O’Donnell, etc.

Conservative Victory Project’s first hit might be Rep. Steve King (R—Animal Torturer), who’s been in the House for eons and is considering a run for the Senate.

Needless to say, the Far Right is not happy about this.  Just two examples are the Club for Growth and the Senate Conservatives Fund, which was founded by Jim DeMint.  And that tells you everything you need to know about the Senate Conservatives Fund.

A spokesman for Senate Conservatives Fund said:

“Rather than listening to the grassroots and working to advance their principles, the establishment has chosen to declare war on the party's most loyal supporters.”

And the Tea Party Patriots’ national coordinator tweeted:

“TPPatriots want to save USA. Karl Rove wants to line pockets—Don't Tread on Us! Tea Party bites back—never gives up!”

Things have gotten curiouser and curiouser when Karl Rove is the voice of moderation.

Interesting times ahead.

Teabaggers Warn Republicans Not to Waver on Obamacare

If or when the Supreme Court overturns Obama’s Affordable Care Act, Republicans will be in an awkward position.  The ball will be in their court.  Our health care quagmire is probably the most volatile issue of the last few years.  If Republicans succeed in getting the Affordable Care Act overturned, hundreds of millions of Americans will have the GOP in their crosshairs (figuratively):  “OK, you got rid of our insurance coverage.  NOW what are you going to do?  What’s YOUR solution?”

Republicans — at least the ones whose IQs are higher than their shoe sizes — are aware of this dilemma.  Even Allen West — not to mention a lot of moderate Republicans — is concerned about people losing their coverage for pre-existing conditions or for family members twenty-five and under who are still living with their parents.

Club for Growth and Freedom Works are having none of this touchy-feely whining about sick people.  Club for Growth spokesman Barney Keller said:

“The Club for Growth supports complete repeal of Obamacare. And complete doesn’t mean partial. It means complete.  [Ed. Note:  Barney Keller has just passed his sixth-grade English exam, so please bear with him while he shows off his new vocabulary]  We urge the so-called ‘tea party’ Republicans to keep their promises to voters and continue to fight for complete repeal as well.”

FreedomWorks spokesman Dean Clancy expressed his concern about bleeding heart spineless Republicans who might try to “resurrect parts of Obamacare.”  He said:

“It would be the height of folly for Republicans to say ‘OK, this is our problem now.’  It’s not the Republicans’ fault if 25-year-old slackers suddenly are dropped from mom and dad’s health insurance policy. It’s not the Republicans’ fault if various other provisions of Obamacare are no longer on the books. … The American people need to have a chance to reflect on the fact that the Democrats basically rammed an unconstitutional bill down their throat.”

“Their throat” — so apparently the American People have one collective throat that they’re all sharing.

Dean Clancy went on to brag that most Republicans are afraid to defy the Club for Growth and similar teatard groups:

“My sense in talking with some of them is that they’re not going there.”

Dean Clancy will hopefully find out that Karma’s a bitch.  Perhaps at an upcoming medical checkup, Clancy’s doctor will approach him with a stricken facial expression and say “This is serious.  I’ll need to run some more tests…”

Big Business: “We’re Paying Our Prostitutes MILLIONS of Dollars, and They’re NOT performing!!!”

Corporate conglomerates and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce spent megabazillions of dollars to “elect” their Republican prostitutes to the House of Representatives.  And now they’re suffering from buyer’s remorse.

For one thing, they’ve suddenly noticed a huge gap between corporate interests and the Tea Party.  What about that famous Republican lockstep march, where the entire party does everything in unison?

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce is strongly in favor of a transportation bill which is crucial for the construction industry.  Teabaggers keep derailing the bill.

And the U.S. Export-Import Bank, which has been financing exports since the 1930s, is in jeopardy.  The bank might shut down completely by the end of May.  (See Teabaggers, previous paragraph.)

A vice president of an airplane manufacturing firm said:

“There’s not a bank in the United States that’s going to loan money to that customer of mine in Argentina to buy my airplane.  There is not a free-market system that operates like that. It does not exist. We need the Ex-Im Bank, period.”

The National Association of Manufacturers is also adamant about the importance of the U.S. Export-Import Bank.

Teabaggers are also derailing a lot of routine business tax breaks by insisting that these tax breaks have to be paid for by spending cuts elsewhere.

Whatever these teatards think of Corporate America, that’s who bought them their seats in Congress.  Wasn’t there something about “dance with them that brung you,” or whatever it was Molly Ivins used to say.

A spokesman for Club For Growth said:  “Free market is not always the same as pro-business.”

Let the rift begin.  Let it get wider and wider.  It’s time for these lockstep marchers to break ranks and start scattering every which way.

Portrait of Scott Brown

This Tuesday, a Republican — Massachusetts State Senator Scott Brown — might actually get elected to the U.S. Senate seat that Ted Kennedy held for 47 years. So, who is Scott Brown? For openers:

The Wall Street Mafia loves him. Brown is against Obama’s proposed tax on large banks, a tax that might actually give taxpayers some of their money back. You know, the hundreds of billions of dollars they gave to Wall Street without getting anything in return.

That gang of robber barons known as the Club For Growth is using some of its billions to purchase a Senate seat for Brown.

And FreedomWorks is back with a vengeance. Who could forget last summer’s orchestrated choreographed “demonstrations” against health care reform — courtesy of FreedomWorks. Our favorite rightwing Astroturf group is now organizing a huge Get-Out-The-Vote drive for Scott Brown.

In October 2001, State Senator Scott Brown voted to DENY financial aid to Red Cross workers who had volunteered to help 9/11 recovery efforts.

And last but not least, Brown even outflames the Afterbirthers. Not only was Obama born in Kenya, but he was probably born out of wedlock.

The Republican Party sure knows how to pick a candidate.

Swiftboat Veterans Against Jesus

It looks like the rift is growing between Big Business and the Rapture crowd. This has to be one of the wackiest most twisted political coalitions in history — money-grubbing CEOs and Bible-totin’ tent revivalists. Helllooo!?!?!?!?! 2,000 years ago a wandering prophet preached love, compassion and tolerance and drove the money changers from the temple. And 2,000 years later, millions of his followers are still reciting his slogans, but they're voting for the money changers. WTF???

Everyone to the left of Grover Norquist and less hateful than James Dobson has probably been waiting for years — decades —for these two groups to finally split up.

It’s easy to deceive yourself and see what you want to see, but things are looking hopeful. First, the “Family Values” dildos were threatening to splinter off into a third party if Giuliani gets the nomination. It’s probably just a hollow threat, but it’s a beginning; a crack in the wall.

And now the same rightwing millionaires who created Chickenhawk Shitstains Slandering a War Veteran Swiftboat Veterans for Truth are aiming their multi-million dollar hate machine toward Mike Huckabee.

Doesn’t Huckabee F%#$in’ Get It??? Sure, 99% of the Bible is about having compassion and helping people and not judging lest ye be judged and all that drivel. But come on, those are just symbols; code words. Nobody takes that shit seriously. One tenth of one percent of the Bible condemns promiscuity and homosexuality, and THIS is what conservative politicians have been focusing on.

THIS is how tens of millions of struggling working-class voters have been persuaded to keep voting against their own interests. “Yes, my opponent wants to increase your wages and raise your living standards, and I plan on keeping you down there in the gutter with piss-poor job prospects, no health coverage and shitty schools. But the good news is, I hate fags and pregnant sluts just as much as you do. Vote for Me!”

And it’s worked like a charm for almost thirty years. And then along comes this dumb redneck do-gooder who actually believes all that shit in the Bible about caring and helping others yada yada yada. And he has millions of followers. He's ruining the Game Plan! Swiftboat Veterans to the rescue!

Houston homebuilder Bob Perry donated $4.5 million to the Slander Kerry campaign in 2004. This year he's backing Mitt Romney’s campaign and so far he's donated $200,000 to ClubForGrowth.net so they can smear Huckabee. Huckabee calls them the Club For Greed, and now it’s payback time.

Come on wingnuts, tear each other apart. Go for the jugular! Maybe, just maybe, this coalition of sickfucks will collapse. It’s sort of like seeing somebody you hate walk down the street yelling at himself and punching himself in the face.