Who Hijacked Our Country

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Lessons From a Rightwing Biblehumping Douchebag

If you live within broadcast or newspaper range of Seattle, you’re probably familiar with the Reverend Ken Hutcherson. He's the Pacific Northwest’s answer to Pat Robertson, James Dobson and Torquemada.

H/T to Daniel DiRito (here and here) for this story.

In his neverending battle against the Homosexual Agenda, Reverend Hutcherson has found a vicious new go-for-the-jugular tactic. My first thought was that Ken Hutcherson is just a pathetic lowlife shitstain. But at the same time: hey, liberal and populist groups could also use this same tactic. Sure he's a pukebag, but maybe he can teach us something.

Hutcherson’s Antioch Bible Church is located near Microsoft’s headquarters. He's trying to get millions of Biblewipes to purchase shares of Microsoft stock so they can exert control over Microsoft’s employment policies. Microsoft has been violating God’s Law by offering benefits to same-sex couples. Microsoft shareholders have repeatedly voted in favor of these policies.

Hutcherson is hoping that if enough mouthbreathing snakehandlers own shares of Microsoft, they can force the company to stop these blasphemous practices and drive those homosexual sinners back into the closet, as God intended.

Being a man of God (supposedly), does Ken Hutcherson devote any time or effort toward poverty, homelessness and the fifty million Americans who have no health insurance? No, no and no.

Hutcherson tried to intimidate Microsoft’s leaders at their last annual shareholders’ meeting. “I could work with you, or I could be your worst nightmare…I hope to hear from you and if not, you will hear from me.”

Think how much America could be improved if liberal and populist organizations used these same tactics. Imagine, millions of people buying shares of Halliburton, Exxon, Monsanto, the largest banks — and forcing them to change their destructive policies.

The Far Right is extremely diligent and persistent and they have a no-holds-barred shrewdness that the Left could use. Since the 1970s the Right has had stealth candidates infiltrating thousands of school boards and city councils throughout the country. Rightwing think tanks have spent decades pulling strings at the highest levels of government. And now we have Ken Hutcherson’s jugular tactics. If only we could use these methods to solve some REAL problems.

In the meantime: Ken Hutcherson, go perform a reproductive act with your female parental unit.

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Blogger Randal Graves said...

Hmm, this is an excellent idea. Can I borrow some money? :)

January 9, 2008 at 5:48 AM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

It cracks me up how obsessed Hutcherson is with Microsoft.

January 9, 2008 at 8:10 AM  
Anonymous rockync said...

If there is a hell, at the end of time, it will be full of creeps pandering their hate "in the name of God."

January 9, 2008 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger Miss Kitty said...

Tom, that's a brilliant post. Holy shit, what IF a bunch of liberals bought stock in Remington, or Exxon, or Wal-Mart? I think you're onto something.

And I, too, have wondered why we lefty-types don't have the same shrewd, take-no-prisoners, every-man-for-the-cause attitude that the wingnuts seem to have. With a little of that, hmmm...what could we NOT do?

But maybe the reason not many of us are like that is because we try thinking of other people first? Or that we never want to force our opinions on anyone (regardless of what the Right says)? Hell, I don't know why.

January 9, 2008 at 10:33 AM  
Blogger PoliShifter said...

One problem is that Republican Fundamentalist tend to have more money. It's beneficial for the rich to be seem in the megachurch clapping along in their armani suits to the hymns. So when the preacher says 'Go Buy Mircosoft' most of them are looking at their portfolios thinking, 'sure, I could add a few thousand more shares'.

That said, if they ever were able to buy enough shares to exert control over microsoft (as if Paul Allen, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet would let that happen) they would likely end up running the company in the ground.

They'd probably try to package windows with pray service software and annoying pop-ups asking people to donate to their church. Then they would probably re-write Encarta and push some sort of 'intelligent design' agenda. Their screen savers would have Jesus walking with Dinosaurs.

They'd probably block porn sites and Outlook would be flooded with 'inspirational' messages from teh Preacher.

All this would destroy their business, driving down the stock price, and make microsoft ripe for takeover by some atheist group.

They really need to think this think through...

January 9, 2008 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

LOL thats funny

January 9, 2008 at 11:19 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Randal: Go ahead and “borrow” some from one of those church collection plates.

J: Yup, Microsoft and homosexuals — his twin obsessions.

Rockync: Exactly. If that place exists, Jerry Falwell is already there and that’s where Ken Hutcherson (and all of his fellow hatemongers) will go.

Miss Kitty: Thanks. Yes, that’s the dilemma we’re in. Liberals tend to be too “nice” and too idealistic. I guess that’s better than seeing an asshole every time you look in the mirror, but we need to strike a better balance.

It will make political battles a lot more interesting if this tactic becomes common. Corporations seem virtually immune from any sort of government influence; maybe large groups of stockholders could do what our spineless Congress can't or won't do.

PoliShifter: LOL. Interesting scenario. I could picture that exact sequence happening. But it would take too long and in the meantime, we’d be stuck with all those Christian pop-ups and e-mails from James Dobson. And that ubiquitous Microsoft message “you will need to restart your computer before _____________. Do you want to restart your computer now?” will be replaced by “you will need to pray and speak in tongues for ten minutes before you restart your computer. We’re watching and listening. Don’t even think of trying to get out of it.”

Torrance: Thanks.

January 9, 2008 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger anna said...

What a psycho freak!

He's prolly a closested gay man who is jealous he doesn't have an iPhone.

January 9, 2008 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Anna: I wouldn't doubt it. It seems like the more righteous and holy somebody acts, the more kinky they are when the cameras are turned off.

January 9, 2008 at 12:13 PM  
Blogger Robert Rouse said...


January 10, 2008 at 10:58 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Robert: Thanks. Hallelujah!

January 10, 2008 at 11:24 AM  
Blogger Jolly Roger said...

M$ learned its lesson awhile back, and fired their "consultant" Ralph Reed.

Hutchrson's adherents won't be able to make a dent by purchasing M$ stock, as people who function on the level of second-graders usually don't have any money for the stock market after their Hutcherson contributions, PBR, and Marlboro Lights purchases have been made.

January 10, 2008 at 3:34 PM  
Blogger LET'S TALK said...

according to Moneycentral the average daily volume for Microsoft is 62.54 million and has a 56.1% institutional ownership.

If Reverend Hutcherson has this type of money then he can make a move.

He's just blowing hot air and a waste of everyones time over the homosexual agenda.

January 10, 2008 at 4:28 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Jolly Roger: That's right, I forgot about Ralph Reed and Microsoft. I doubt if Hutcherson will have much clout. But it's just infuriating that somebody can be so organized and so motivated by such a ridiculous meanspirited goal.

Let's Talk: His church has a large membership, but I doubt if he's much of a threat. I sure wish he'd find something more constructive to blow smoke about than the "homosexual agenda."

January 10, 2008 at 5:09 PM  
Blogger Larry said...

I was hoping with the deaths of Falwell and Kennedy, and the crazier than usual spermodiac ramblings of Robertson, that we had about gotten away from the "Religious right" and their brand of hate for funds agenda.

January 10, 2008 at 8:18 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Larry: Unfortunately those fire-and-brimstone Biblehumpers are like weeds. You think you've pulled them all out, and then a week later they're overrunning the place again. Constant vigilance I guess.

January 10, 2008 at 10:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Yuppies used to do the same in the 1960's and 70's buy a few shares of stock so they can dictate some policy.

They've changed the rules


January 10, 2008 at 11:34 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: I didn't know about that happening in the '60s and '70s, but I guess it isn't surprising.

January 11, 2008 at 12:09 AM  
Blogger proudprogressive said...

Another fine post, you sure got a way words Tom, and wow yeah what a knuckle dragger. If these people would only take the time to take the stick out of their own eyes...before they go a gun slingin for others. Freakin freaks..give decent Christians a really bad name. And its kind of sad,in a way. The good ones are so out shouted by these douchbags and their brain dead minions.

January 12, 2008 at 5:23 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Proudprogressive: Thanks. Yeah, it's too bad real Christians get tarnished by the fire-and-brimstone knuckledraggers. They're the ones who get all the publicity even though they're the minority.

January 12, 2008 at 6:06 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

I'm not sure how big Antioch Bible Church is nowadays. Does it have 10,000 members? If it did, and if say 2,000 of them bought 1,000 shares each, that would be what, a couple million shares? Let's say another 1,000 were rich enough to afford an average of 500 shares each, so we could call it 2.5 millions shares? And let's even add another couple million shares bought up by other loons in the U.S. who are stupid enough to do what this big doofus says. Maybe he could convince people to buy 5 millions shares.

Let's Talk mentioned some numbers. If the average daily Microsoft volume is around 62 million, would anywhere from two to five million shares controlled by these loons make a difference? I have to agree with the assertion that the guys who own and run Microsoft would not allow some misanthropic, "moralistic" crusader to take over their company.

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law used to live in the Seattle area, and they were members of Hutcherson's cult. One time when they came to visit us at our house they brought a copy of his book called "The Church" and left it out in plain sight on our coffee table while they were here, probably hoping we would think it was pretty cool. I thumbed through it and came across a horrifying passage about "discipline". He says that if any members of his church suspect that another member is "sinning", they should go tell the pastor. If it is then later-on determined that the person is still "sinning", that person is called before the entire congregation and publicly excommunicated. After reading about that, I literally put the book down and went to wash my hands. Because I read from that unholy book, my eye had offended me, but I didn't pluck it out.

From seeing that book and from talking to my relatives who were involved in Big Ken's "church", the whole Antioch thing seems like a big nightmare in which lost, frightened children are subject to the rule of a strict, punishing larger-than-life father figure who has no empathy. Wait... isn't that how a lot of these mega-churches operate?

It is almost enough to make me think there should be legislation to control guys like Hutcherson like there is to control pushers and child molesters, i.e. a megachurch can't be established within a mile of a public school building, megachurch pastors can't come within 100 yards of a government building or school, pastors and members' names should be on special lists, etc. That kind of radical fundamentalist stuff represents a menace to our society.

The rapture just can't happen soon enough. When people like Hutcherson are gone, the rest of us can live our lives in peace.

January 13, 2008 at 8:26 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Snave: From your story about your in-laws, it sounds like Hutcherson is even worse than I thought. Who would join something like that? It sounds like a Jesus Camp for grown-ups.

I doubt if his stock scheme would work. That sounds like such a shrewd tactic; I can't believe somebody would make all that coordinated effort for such a stupid meanspirited goal. Such twisted priorities.

I like your idea of cult leaders and megachurch ministers having to stay more than 100 yards away from public schools, be registered with the police, etc.

January 13, 2008 at 8:41 PM  

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