Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, June 05, 2009

The Conservative Mentality: An Explanation

As infuriating as these people are, this article gives us a chance to understand them. Learning what makes them tick might not necessarily change their behavior. But if we understand the causes of their affliction, we might view them with pity instead of loathing. Sympathy for the Devil.

In any case, as The Art of War says: “Know Your Enemy.”

For one thing, conservatives are squeamish. They’re grossed out easily. Bugs, the sight of blood — anything that’s “icky” — just makes them squirm and recoil. And this squeamishness is the reason they hate homosexuals. They’re grossed out at the thought of two people of the same sex “doing it,” so they want it banned. It has absolutely nothing to do with the Bible or anything “Holy.” It’s “Disgusting” — end of story. Ban it. Get rid of it. Get it out of my sight.

Another conservative trait is tidiness. Neatness. Order. Anal retention.

Sometimes these two characteristics — tidiness and squeamishness — will combine to form a very odd subspecies: Chickenhawkus Americus.

This specimen will look at a map, an article, a chart, etc., and start forming a neat orderly picture of how everything “should” be. Let’s get all of our ducks in a row. The police need to crack down on those unsightly homeless people (drug users, homosexuals, hippies, liberals, you name it). We need to march into all of these primitive/ leftist/ Muslim countries and straighten everything out. Right now.

While fantasizing about making everything neat and tidy and “nice,” the Chickenhawkus Americus will simultaneously squirm and gag at the thought of actually — personally! — contributing anything to this effort. “But, I, I might have to run, and do pushups, and start sweating and panting. Eewww!!! I, I could get hurt! Mommy?!?!?!?!?”

Now that we understand the nature of their affliction, let’s try to conjure up some sympathy for these people…

Oh well, easier said than done.

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14 Comments:

Anonymous Bee said...

(chuckle)...You're too kind to them :)

June 5, 2009 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Bee: That's true; I won't be so nice next time.

June 5, 2009 at 4:46 PM  
Blogger Demeur said...

It's also a republican trait to get into a small winable war so you can be "the war president" too bad this one is a quagmire for George codpiece and now Obama is stuck with it.

June 5, 2009 at 5:26 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Demeur: Ah yes, those small winnable wars. Where's Grenada when we need it?

June 5, 2009 at 7:45 PM  
Anonymous S.W. anderson said...

Very interesting bit of insight there, Tom. Thanks for pointing it out.

Considering the clutter here in the nerve center of Oh!pinion world headquarters, I must be well left of the late Paul Wellstone, LOL.

Re: conservatives and disgust. This explains to some extent why some people come unglued if a woman breastfeeds in a public place, even if she's using a towel or cloth with reasonable discreetness. Or, they get all bent out of shape if a woman goes topless at a beach or park.

No one past the junior-high stage should be strongly affected one way or another by being in the presences of, or within sight of, a topless female. Breastfeeding is as wholesome as a family-values-type activity could be.

Yet, I've heard people talk about it in terms of it being a disgusting display. I think they feel insecurity about being able to control themselves or act appropriately in what is for them a potentially stimulating yet awkward situation. In short, they're kind of immature.

Think of Rush Limbaugh bouncing up and down at the CPAC gathering a few months back, like a kid having to wait outside the bathroom door. Immature? You betcha.

June 5, 2009 at 10:09 PM  
Anonymous Carlos said...

That explains a whole lot!

June 6, 2009 at 4:08 AM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

It's important to note that while conservatives are disgusted by said behavior, their disgust is only displayed against liberals and other non-conservatives. Forgiveness is only extended to those of their stripe who engage in similar activity.

June 6, 2009 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

I've got no problem with toplessness. No, Limbaugh, keep your shirt on.

Alright, Tom, I tried having pity. Didn't work. Can I go back to loathing? ;-)

June 6, 2009 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: Good points. I think that disgust (or a combination of disgust and titillation) really is a symptom that the person is emotionally stuck at age 13, regardless of his/her actual age.

Carlos: It's nice to have an explanation for their sick minds.

Lew: True, they didn't seem too disgusted with Larry Craig's wide stance at the airport men's room.

Randal: I wasn't able to muster up any pity either. Sometimes loathing is better.

June 6, 2009 at 12:33 PM  
Blogger Demeur said...

Yeah you're right Tom their mostly a bunch of closet pervs. Just Google republican sex scandels. No sympathy here.

June 7, 2009 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Demeur: There seems to be some sort of inverse ratio for self-righteous types. The more judgmental they are in public, the more twisted they are in their private lives.

June 7, 2009 at 8:21 PM  
Anonymous Thomas said...

Remember, they are also compulsively angry.

They prefer to meet any challenge to their authority with vitriol and potentially violence rather than with any true problem solving scheme.

If it can't be handled with yelling or gunplay, they're a bit at a loss.

June 8, 2009 at 11:22 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Thomas: Good point. If they can't lash out in fury, they don't know what to do.

June 8, 2009 at 2:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was extremely interesting for me to read the post. Thanks for it. I like such themes and anything connected to this matter. I would like to read a bit more on that blog soon.

December 30, 2009 at 12:51 PM  

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