Who Hijacked Our Country

Monday, December 14, 2009

Bush Administration: The Missing E-Mails

Computer technicians have found 22 million “lost” e-mails from the Bush White House. The discovery was announced by Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) and the National Security Archive.

Melanie Sloan of CREW said: “We may never discover the full story of what happened here. It seems like they just didn't want the e-mails preserved.”

She also said that finding the 22 million “missing” e-mails “gives us confirmation that the Bush administration lied when they said no e-mails were missing.”

The mainstream “media” is pretending they don’t know what’s in these e-mails. But this exclusive report reveals a few excerpts that have been leaked:

“…Karl, how’d you do it? Gore could think and talk circles around me, and we kicked his ass. And of course our buds on the supreme court. Now Uncle Dickie has to take Tony Scalia on that duck hunting trip like he promised him…”

“…Are you sure we can pull off this stunt with the World Trade Center? Tell them a bunch of Arabs with box-cutters overpowered all the flight attendants and security guards and hijacked several planes at the same time? It’s too risky. What if it doesn’t work, and what if the public doesn’t believe us?”

“George, did you read up on the Reichstag Fire like I told you to? It’s all in there. Just don’t worry about it, we’ve got it under control. You just practice staring at My Pet Goat with that befuddled facial expression you do so well, and we‘ll handle the rest…”

“Oww!!! Uuggghhh!!! God damn it, this fuckin’ pacemaker isn’t worth shit. Go fuck yourself!”

“I’m gonna get rid of that fuckin’ Saddam Hussein, I don’t care what I have to do. For once I’ll beat my Daddy at something, and then Mommy will love me again and maybe she’ll take me back…”

“Do we have a legitimate reason to invade Iraq? No. Do we want to invade Iraq and topple Saddam Hussein? Yes. If we make up some ridiculous story about weapons of mass destruction, will the public be gullible enough to fall for it? Yes.”

“Karl, how’d you do it? John Kerry a decorated war hero and me a chickenhawk, I just knew I was gonna be a one termer just like my pencilneck daddy. I didn’t have a prayer and you saved me again.”

“Hey Electrodes, heh heh, mind if I call you that, that’s what they’re calling you on the internet. Hey, what was that joke you were telling, something about what did the spreadeagled Iraqi prisoner yell out when they zapped his peepee?”

“I don’t remember.”

That’s all the leaks for now. There’s certain to be a lot more of them.

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19 Comments:

Blogger Demeur said...

Tom where did you get the actual emails? I'm looking all over the net for them. On CREWS site they give a link but most of the archives are about proceedural things.

December 14, 2009 at 5:41 PM  
Blogger Dave Dubya said...

Wouldn't it be nice if this new evidence actually went somewhere? Nothing will come of it, of course. We already have plenty of evidence of lies, war crimes, torture, treason, etc. about this crime syndicate.

This is the Orwellian Corporatist Amerikan Reich we are living under. There will be no prosecution for war crimes, or domestic crimes, committed by the Inner Party.

December 14, 2009 at 6:16 PM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

There's 22 million of these things to go through, and they won't even be released to the public for another five years. What'll you bet birthers and teabaggers don't demand the immediate release of these?

December 14, 2009 at 7:08 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

Great satire, Tom.

Betcha there's heightened anxiety in certain quarters right about now. Could it be time for Bush, Cheney and the rest of the wrecking crew and crackpot crusaders to hire some of those no-good trial lawyers?

Oh, wait, Bush has his own concigliere! Wouldn't it be great to see Bush up on charges and Alberto Gonzales defending him? Just think, Bush would finally learn what the people of New Orleans felt like after Katrina.

December 15, 2009 at 1:32 AM  
Anonymous Bee said...

Considering the teabaggers and afterbirthers are the 20%'ers, I'd say the odds are good they won't be screaming for the release of these emails. 5 years? Hell, all it takes is one more republican president to classify them and bury them.

Great post, Tom - had me LOL'ing at 6:45 in the a.m....not an easy feat:)

December 15, 2009 at 3:48 AM  
Blogger lisa said...

Yeah let's keep going backwards but the hell with investigating ACORN and it's fraud,and Obama's college records,original birth
certificate ,all his on line campaign donations,Union Cronyism and spending us into bankruptcy.
Let me ask all of you this? A Gitmo prisoner in the Illinois prison throws his feces at one of the black prison guards there and the black prison guard beats the crap out of him,do you think the rest of the black community crying about prisoner abuse now will want to see this prison guard fry?
Let me answer that for you. The son of a bitch deserved it.

December 15, 2009 at 7:09 AM  
Blogger lisa said...

I forgot his Mafia Business contacts too.

December 15, 2009 at 7:28 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Don't worry gang, our empire will eventually collapse and I'm sure on the next go around we'll do things right, transparency and concern for all citizens, not just the top 1%, just you wait and see, goshdarnit.

December 15, 2009 at 8:00 AM  
Anonymous Thomas said...

What's that internet law about someone far enough on the fringe will always think that satire is genuine?

December 15, 2009 at 11:03 AM  
Anonymous Jess said...

Lisa said oh yeah let's keep going backwards and ACORN, birthers and deathers oh my and other stuff......Let's see, if I come and murder someone today they can't very well look to tomorrow to get the evidence of me committing that murder today can they? Looking back at a crime is always what happens in real world. This isn't Minority Report, go look it up, where a crime might be committed and we jail you for that.

I am getting the feeling with all this, Obama is spending stuff that we went right from having the Clenis as president to Obama and commander codpiece never happened. Oh if that t'were twue it t'would be twerrific. Courtesy of Mel Brooks.

December 15, 2009 at 11:20 AM  
Blogger lisa said...

Don't worry gang, our empire will eventually collapse

It will collapse becuae of the democrats of course that's wha they are hoping for no matter how many people are out on the streets.
And you talk abput Republicans being ruthless?

December 15, 2009 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Demeur: Gotcha :) I'm sure the real e-mails are a lot more incriminating than anything any of us could ever make up.

Dave: You're right, the Inner Party will never be prosecuted. "Orwellian Corporatist Amerikan Reich" -- excellent description.

Lew: Nope, there won't be a peep out of the teabirthers.

SW: Thanks. No doubt, those no-good trial lawyers will suddenly start looking good to some of Bush's henchmen. Sort of like when the Watergate culprits benefited from one of those "soft-headed judges" they always hated.

Bee: You're right, the next Republican president will declare that those e-mails are vital to our national security. They'll instantly be reclassified Top Secret.

Lisa: Off topic as usual.

Randal: Get it right on the next go around? Nah. It's much more fun to keep doing the same thing over and over and then wonder why the results never change.

Thomas: That happens to me a lot. I'll do a tongue-in-cheek post or comment, and a fellow liberal will actually think I'm one of the wingnuts I'm imitating.

Jess: Damn, you're pretty good at translating Lisa into English.

I never saw Minority Report, but I read a lot of reviews of it; sounded pretty chilling.

Lisa: Randal's comment was satire. Humor. Kind of pointless to get all worked up over it, no?

December 15, 2009 at 4:09 PM  
Anonymous Jolly Roger said...

lisa the befuddled idiot stupidly typed,

It will collapse becuae of the democrats of course that's wha they are hoping for no matter how many people are out on the streets.


No, sooper-genius, the collapse is sure to come because your moronic monkey wet dream set us on a path that is unsustainable.

I know you Rushpubliscum lickers don't like history, but I'm going to take you back to a period known as the 1990s. We weren't fighting a war for nothing that was bankrupting us back then-as a matter of fact, we ran a budget surplus. Real wages had actually ticked up a little bit, for the first time since the 1970s.

Your monkey dreamboat did away with all that, and more. All the Chinese or the Saudis have to do now is shut the checkbook, and we're toast.

I know who to thank for that, even if you're too modest to admit that your monkey (and you, since you are one of his worshipers) did this country more damage than Hitler and Tojo could have dreamed of doing.

December 15, 2009 at 11:49 PM  
Blogger lisa said...

but I'm going to take you back to a period known as the 1990s.

I know Clinton lucked out on the dot com boom until it came crashing down in 2000.
Gee I remember the company I worked for then inflated his profits,claimed bankruptcy and left his vendors holding the bag and was able to achieve this 3 times, you know when things were more "honest". You know like Enron and all.

December 16, 2009 at 7:10 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Lisa: Just to keep things straight, the whole Enron fiasco happened during Dumbya's presidency.

December 16, 2009 at 2:48 PM  
Blogger lisa said...

Tom-they were prosecuted during GW's presidency just like 9/11 happened doesn't mean he caused it.

December 16, 2009 at 4:41 PM  
Blogger jadedj said...

Lisa I am curious about something, and I think I mentioned it here on this very blog a few weeks ago. Why is it that when I click on your link, I find no profile, not who you are and what you stand for, and not only that, no blog. I would think that a person such as yourself who is so full of opinionated right-wing drivel, would have a blog where you can pontificate to your heart's desire. Not to mention, commiserate with like-minded followers. But no, you come over to this blog which is unabashedly liberal, and beat your gums to people who are definitely not sympathetic, and who are weary of your blatherings. And you do it repeatedly. Seriously, why do you not have a blog? Or a profile?

December 17, 2009 at 5:06 PM  
Blogger jadedj said...

Sorry Tom, I apologize...I realize that my comment to Lisa has nothing to do with the missing emails, but rather missing gray matter. Got a little off track.

Thanks for sharing your source's insider revelations.

December 17, 2009 at 5:08 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

jadedj: No problemo. If she wants to comment here, getting dissed is part of the package.

December 17, 2009 at 7:09 PM  

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