America: About to be Punished by the Landlord

The Chinese government is getting more and more irate at their pesky American tenant, and they might be retaliating soon. And the United States might be just about to learn what every renter finds out sooner or later: Don’t piss off the landlord!

China might sell some U.S. bonds and increase their military spending, as punishment to the U.S. for selling weapons to Taiwan.

Luo Yuan, a researcher at the Academy of Military Sciences, said:

“Our retaliation should not be restricted to merely military matters, and we should adopt a strategic package of counter-punches covering politics, military affairs, diplomacy and economics to treat both the symptoms and root cause of this disease. Just like two people rowing a boat, if the United States first throws the strokes into chaos, then so must we. For example, we could sanction them using economic means, such as dumping some U.S. government bonds.”

Aside from aggravating our landlord, selling weapons to Taiwan is the most boneheaded decision our “leaders” could possibly make. What’s the purpose? Is there a shortage of American-made weapons in the world?

Sure, Taiwan will always be talking about gaining independence from China; and China will always talk about reunification with Taiwan. But there’s been less saber-rattling lately, not more. Both countries are prosperous and neither would benefit from going to war.

In the 1990s there were rumors that Taiwan had huge armies of computer hackers who were ready — at a second’s notice — to completely disable China’s communications and weapons systems. I have no idea whether those rumors are or were ever true; and China is technologically light years ahead of where they were fifteen years ago.

In any case, selling weapons to Taiwan was an incredibly stupid move. Or as Rahm Emanuel would say, "fuckin' retarded." It's just more of America’s nineteenth century solutions to twenty-first century problems.

And besides, if we get evicted by the landlord, where will we go?