Who Hijacked Our Country

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Oklahoma: “We Don’t Want None of Them There Christians In These Parts”

Two examples of Not Smart:

1. Giving your 3-year-old child a pack of matches and saying “here, go play in the hayloft.”

2. Giving a bunch of braindead illiterate legislators some writin’ utensils and saying “here, pass us a law crackin’ down on them thar homasexials.”

Nice try, Inbreds.

The Oklahoma state senate passed a law allowing Oklahoma to sleaze their way out of the federal hate crimes bill passed by Congress last year. The state law was supposed to allow local law enforcement to ignore the part of the federal statute that defines attacks on gays as a hate crime.

BUT — and this is what happens when you ask a kindergartner to solve an advanced trigonometry problem — the Oklahoma senate cited the wrong clause in the federal statute. Wrong Way Corrigan!

Instead, the legislators exempted Oklahoma from the federal clause that defines an attack based on “religion, race or ethnicity” as a hate crime. Doh! Thanks to Oklahoma’s Keystone lawmakers, you can now assault somebody based on his/her religion or race and NOT be charged with a hate crime. But gays ARE still protected by the federal hate crimes statute.

Oklahoma’s legislators — after they’ve wiped all that egg off their faces — will undoubtedly fix their “mistake.” (Then again, you know what Freud said about “mistakes.”) But in the meantime — “Hey, let’s beat the shit out of that White Christian over there. The cops can’t do anything about it.”


Uh oh: Get ready for ……[cue the Jaws theme music]……Son of Potatoe Head. Or would that be Potatoeheadson?

Ben Quayle (yes, Dan’s son) is running for Congress. He’s running for the seat being vacated by Rep. John Shadegg (R-Arizona).

Ben Quayle’s platform is to reduce taxes and increase border security. Sounds a little contradictory to me, unless the Tooth Fairy is going to build us a nice big border fence, free of charge.

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Blogger jadedj said...

Har, har, har, I love dumb asses. Which goes to prove that there is justice and symmetry in the universe.

Skip to the Quayle story. Holy shit! You don't suppose...I grit my teeth even thinking this...you don't suppose there could be a sea of bumper stickers in places such as Oklahoma, which read...gulp...Palin-Quayle 2012?

Given past American political dynasties, the son is usually even dumber than the father. Would not this put him in the moran (sic) category?

March 30, 2010 at 2:29 PM  
Anonymous Jess said...

I love it when they do not realize what they are doing and now they will have to go back pedal to get in the good graces of their more nuttier constituents. Well you cannot spell crazy without AZ so there you have it. I really wish Napolitano was still there, she would have taken that seat in a hot second from the crazies. How in the name of all...can they expect things to be paid for by cutting taxes all the time? No need to answer, it is just cut taxes all the time with these people.

March 30, 2010 at 3:27 PM  
Blogger libhom said...

Oklahoma doesn't have the power to nullify any of the statute. The whole thing was an exercise in idiotic futility.

March 30, 2010 at 3:35 PM  
Anonymous Thomas said...

Y'know, I'm not at all surprised that any state goes and passes a truly asinine bill. It doesn't bother me that most of the people voting for it probably didn't actually read the text of the legislation; most legislators never bother to read the bills at all.

It does bother me that they didn't bother to have a lawyer proofread it.

March 30, 2010 at 4:03 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

jadedj: I hadn't even thought of that angle, about the son (i.e. GW Bush) being dumber than the father. God help us if Quayle the Younger is actually dumber than his father. He'll need to be retrained after every coffee break.

Jess: "You cannot spell crazy without Arizona," LOL. Reagan dreamed about cutting taxes, increasing "defense" spending and balancing the budget all at the same time. I guess the dream lives on in Arizona.

Libhom: I'm sure that state law was just a feelgood gesture, something to keep the Republican base all riled up and hootin' and hollerin'.

Thomas: Exactly. It's inconceivable that any professional organization would prepare something official and not have it proofread.

March 30, 2010 at 5:17 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

That's hilarious. About time them Okies got serious about atheism.

March 30, 2010 at 5:28 PM  
Blogger Holte Ender said...

Oklahoma, that state of Dr. Coburn fame, after listening to that jerk in the past months, it doesn't surprise me that they would write a bill that nobody would read.

March 30, 2010 at 5:48 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

J: Yup, serves 'em right for being a bunch of dumb rednecks.

Holte Ender: For some reason Blogger won't let me publish your comment. They've been really screwing up a lot lately. Your comment was:

"Oklahoma, that state of Dr. Coburn fame, after listening to that jerk in the past months, it doesn't surprise me that they would write a bill that nobody would read."

Not surprising at all. Like they say about the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing...

March 30, 2010 at 8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arizona Eh? As Dan Quayle once said (and you can look this up if you don't believe me) "I love California, I grew up in Phoenix!"


March 30, 2010 at 11:21 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

We now have more proof, as if any were needed after ex-Sen. Don Nickles and current Sen. James Inhofe, that whe only Oklahomans dumber than the state's Republican politicians are the state's Republican voters.

Pro-hate crimes — the attack ad almost writes itself.

March 31, 2010 at 12:52 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Oklahoma might really be the dumbest state in the union, and that's saying something. I feel bad for the non-morons who are stuck there, though they DO get all that free entertainment.

March 31, 2010 at 10:06 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: LOL. I'd forgotten about that one.

SW: Yup, this fiasco will be an excellent source of self-written attack ads.

Randal: "Thank God for Mississippi" might have to be updated to "Thank God for Oklahoma."

March 31, 2010 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger TomCat said...

When I first heard this I almost had a medical emergency. I fell and couldn't get up until I stopped laughing.

April 1, 2010 at 12:14 PM  

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