Corporations are People: Phase Two

The Oligarchy has long ruled that a corporation has all the rights of a person, without any of the vulnerabilities or responsibilities. And now the Supreme Court will probably take this “reasoning” to its logical next step. If a corporation is a person, then obviously he has feelings; she has emotional needs. Corporations have their ups and downs, their good and bad days; just like us.

A corporation would be embarrassed — just petrified! — if his/her sensitive personal information got revealed. Therefore, a corporation has the right to privacy, just like we do.

The FCC, during an investigation, gathered some information about AT&T. And now AT&T wants to keep this information secret. AT&T will just die if this information gets out! All the other corporations will laugh at AT&T. Halliburton will kick AT&T’s ass after school. General Motors will put a thumb tack on his chair.

Just imagine poor little AT&T sitting there, blushing, squirming, turning away, unable to look the other corporations in the eye. Have you no sympathy???

So far, a federal appeals court has ruled in AT&T’s favor. The Supreme Court will probably make its ruling in early 2011.

In the meantime, AT&T is just a nervous wreck. She hasn’t been herself lately. She’s been breaking out in zits, and she’s starting to overeat. She might even call in sick tomorrow.