Debt Deal Has Been Reached
YES!!! Oh Thank GOD. That was close! Whew!!! We’ve been saved by our Leaders. Our heroes! [swoon]
After months of haggling and wrangling, and with less than 36 hours before the August 2nd deadline, our dedicated public servants were able to put aside their political differences and reach an agreement. Armageddon has been prevented. America will not default on her debts. The debt ceiling has been raised and there will NOT be a global financial meltdown. And we owe it all to the heroic actions of our leaders.
We can all rest easy, knowing we’re safe now. We’re protected. We’re in good hands.
We’ve all spent months sitting on the edges of our chairs, wringing our hands and biting our nails; thinking the unthinkable: What would happen if America defaulted for the first time in our history??? Things were looking dire. Hopeless. Terrifying. But thank God our swashbuckling heroes have acted. Putting aside their crippling fears, and looking danger straight in the eye and saying “Fuck You!” — our death-defying heroes have rushed in and saved us.
This is indeed a proud moment for America’s politicians. We owe you!