Who Hijacked Our Country

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Would Jesus Eat Schweddy Balls Ice Cream?

The American Family Association is boycotting Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream over the obscene name of their newest flavor:  Schweddy Balls.  The flavor is named after a Saturday Night Live skit about a baker named Pete Schweddy, whose best-selling holiday treat is Schweddy Balls.

Yes, that’s what Jesus would do — go into a hissyfit over a double entendre.  The Bible clearly states that suggestive phrases are EVIL.  Don’t believe me?  It says right here — hmmm, wait, that’s not it.

OK, here it is.  OOPS, that’s not it either.  Damn it, it’s in here somewhere…

OneMillionMoms, a group affiliated with the American Family Association, is organizing the boycott.  The group’s website says:

“The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive. Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket.”

OK, now that we’ve taken care of this Earthshaking problem…

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Blogger Randal Graves said...

Oh shit, all the times I played vintage AC/DC around my kids, I hope they don't grow up to be date rapists, porn star hookers or eaters of ice cream. My balls wouldn't be so big then, no sir.

September 22, 2011 at 12:35 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

I probably won't earn any points saying this, but I think Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and The American Family Association both deserve a Bronx cheer.

The name is funny and just a double entendre, it's true. At the same times, a whole lot of parents, probably millions, see that name as inappropriate and unwelcome. Harmless? Sure, but still not appreciated.

SNL is one thing. Ice cream sold at a pub or other place that caters to young adults could be named even more suggestively, with little publicity and no problem. But a product sold in Ben and Jerry's outlets, supermarkets, convenience stores and discount megastores where families with kids of all ages go is something else. It prompts questions and a kind of silliness many parents don't want to have to deal with, especially in a store.

I have little use for the American Family Association. I suspect it's trying to advance itself with the boycott, as much as anything.

Some irate letters and e-mails to Ben and Jerry's from displeased individuals, along with lots of people simply ignoring the product, would probably be enough to ensure it would have a short and not so profitable life. No self-appointed guardian of propriety is needed.

September 22, 2011 at 12:53 PM  
Blogger jadedj said...

S.W. Anderson is correct, all the AFA has accomplished is to call attention to the product. Self-defeating.

Personally, I never eat anything that refers to my crotch...or fish.

September 22, 2011 at 3:40 PM  
Blogger BadTux said...

I'll have some salty nuts with my Schweddy Balls, thank you very much.

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

September 22, 2011 at 4:27 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Randal: AC/DC? Sorry, but you've already ruined your kids. What were you thinking?

SW: I agree that it doesn't sound like a smart business decision on the part of Ben and Jerry's. I'm sure lots of parents don't want their kids pointing and going "hee hee, sweaty balls."

I'd guess the boycott is a chance for a bunch of useless busybodies like the American Family Association to get some publicity.

jadedj: Maybe Ben & Jerry's is trying to become the first X-rated ice cream. "Banned by the American Family Association!"

BT: Or there's always Isaac Hayes' "Salty Balls" from that South Park episode.

September 22, 2011 at 5:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I mean after growing up saying Your-Anus for the planet Uranus why the change? Did someone decide we were being dirty?

Reminds me of the story I heard in Art Class about the Artist who after not selling any paintings called the local legion of decency and then sold out the next day.


September 22, 2011 at 11:04 PM  
Anonymous Carlos said...

I wonder if those same groups are complaining about truck nuts. Prolly not, I'm guessing.

September 23, 2011 at 4:57 AM  
Anonymous Jess said...

Don't know about Jesus, but Jess did and it tastes really, really good.

September 23, 2011 at 9:04 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Erik: That can be a successful gimmick, like when Jimi Hendrix got himself booked to tour with the Cowsills (or one of those squeaky clean groups of the '60s), knowing he'd get lots of publicity from outraged parents.

Carlos: As we speak, the AFA is asking themselves "would Jesus put nuts on his truck?"

Jess: Thanks for the info; I'll probably check it out.

September 23, 2011 at 1:01 PM  

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