Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, December 23, 2011

President Obama’s Signature Failure in Iraq

by Mitt Romney

President Barack Obama — by pulling out of Iraq, by playing cut and run — is guilty of Epic Failure.  Signature Failure.  Songbird McCain was absolutely right:  President Obama deserves nothing but “scorn and disdain” for pulling American soldiers out of Iraq.

Now, full disclosure:  I come from a wealthy family.  Very very wealthy.  I’ve had an extremely sheltered pampered life.  I wouldn’t know a military uniform if it came up and bit me on the you know what.  OK, anyway…

When we were busy fighting in Iraq and still looking for those Weapons of Mass Destruction, we were also building a new American Embassy in Iraq.  And this new embassy was going to be the largest embassy in the world.  Now, if we were planning to just pull out of Iraq after a brief eight-year skirmish, then why in the H-E double hockey sticks did we spend all that money building the largest embassy in the world?  This is the exact kind of financial shortsightedness that a Mitt Romney Administration will NOT tolerate.

And another thing.  I know failure when I see it.  I bought, castrated and sold a lot of companies during my distinguished career with Bain Capital and other private equity firms.  Every time I had to fire an employee — and trust me, I’ve fired jillions of them — I tried to sugarcoat it.  You know:  “Your position has been eliminated.”  “Your job has been outsourced.”  “This isn’t your fault; I purposely ran this company into the ground so I could sell it at an obscene profit.”  But now that I’m moving onward and upward, I’m going to be totally blunt.  Each and every one of those workers I fired was a signature failure.  A total loser.

When I become Commander-in-Chief of the United States of America, the motto of the Mitt Romney Administration will be:  Failure is NOT an option!  America is the Greatest Country In The World!  America is unique in all the world.  Exceptional!  Nobody in my administration will ever EVER apologize for America.

Any country that looks cross-eyed at America, or says anything even slightly disrespectful — we will Invade that country.  No, we won’t just invade.  We will OCCUPY that country FOREVER.   And in each one of these American-occupied countries, America will build the world’s largest embassy; bigger than the “world’s largest embassy” record-holder before it.  And right now, that list of countries includes — but is not limited to — Iran, Syria, North Korea, Venezuela…and ANY other country that even THINKS about questioning America’s Exceptionalism.

Come on now, American People.  The last of the “not Mitt Romney” flavors of the month have crashed and burned.  You’re stuck with me.  I’m much too bland and sterile to ever ever have any scandals that would embarrass America.  And again, I will never apologize for America.  And any time the Mitt Romney Administration invades another country — America will be there for the long haul.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Woot! Love this!

Off topic: Did you, in the recent past, write a post on why you will never agree or side w/libertarians?

I need it for a discussion I am having.

December 23, 2011 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger Demeur said...

Mittens won't apologize for America because he won't be in the position to apologize.

December 23, 2011 at 12:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The President should appoint Romney to lead an all Volunteer army (or Blackwater Agents) to go back to Iraq and stay there until he is satisfied the job is done.

Then if he's really successful, let him tackle South Vietnam.

Erik

December 23, 2011 at 12:34 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Dusty: I did a post 2 weeks ago about Ron Paul, basically saying that I admire his bluntness and consistency but that I could never vote for a Libertarian. I agree with Libertarians that the government is too big and cumbersome and inept, but we do need an infrastructure and a safety net, among other things that Libertarians scoff at. Here's the link.

I also have a 2-year-old post saying sort of the same thing: that I like a lot about the Libertarian philosophy and Ayn Rand's books, but it just doesn't work in the real world. Link here.

I hope these can be of use.

Demeur: I hope you're right.

Erik: Agreed. And after Vietnam he can work his magic on North Korea.

December 23, 2011 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger Jack Jodell said...

Romney is full of it and should dump all his stale old neocon Bush advisors.

December 23, 2011 at 1:39 PM  
Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

Peering into the future, I see Romney at some stage-managed public appearance. Maybe at Arlington or some other cemetery on Memorial Day. Addressing the crowd, he trashes President Obama for keeping the troops in Iraq so long, costing so many additional lives.

Looking farther ahead, Romney makes a stage-managed trip to the Middle East to demonstrate his foreign affairs chops. Stopping in Baghdad (very, very) briefly, he tells local officials and media he's sorry America kept so many troops fighting there for so long, sometimes costing innocent civilians their lives. "That was an epic Obama failure," he says.

Then, arriving home after his epic three-day tour of the region, Romney tells reporters in passing it's a shame the old tradtion of politics stopping at the water's edge has gone by the wayside. "If I'm elected, I'll see to it we won't take domestic political squabbles abroad."

December 24, 2011 at 12:53 AM  
Blogger Dave Dubya said...

That's right. Obama forced Bush to sign the Status Of Forces Agreement through some kind of non-Mormon Magic. At least I THINK that's what the gold tablets in the hat said...

December 24, 2011 at 1:12 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Jack: He's definitely full of something.

SW: I share your future vision of Romney. One stage-managed flipflop after another.

Dave: Obama used his top secret Kenyan time-warp technology to cause Iraqmire and the Wall Street meltdown retroactively and make it look like it was Dumbya's fault.

December 24, 2011 at 2:15 PM  
Blogger Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Obama used his top secret Kenyan time-warp technology to cause Iraqmire and the Wall Street meltdown retroactively and make it look like it was Dumbya's fault. LMFAO! Thanks for today's laugh.

I appreciate your providing the links to your pieces as I am still trying to get a friend off the Ron Paul bandwagon. It ain't friggin easy, she is really hanging on.

December 24, 2011 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Too bad about your friend, Dusty... addiction can be a sad kind of thing. Sounds to me like many of the right-wingers need some kind of intervention. 8-)

I wonder how many other primaries Gingrich isn't going to be on the ballot for? It's fun that he won't be in the Virginia primary. The GOP candidates this year are just like the gift that keeps on giving... Will we see a third party arise? LOL! Happy days aren't quite here again, but they're a work in progress and could be on their way!

December 25, 2011 at 5:41 PM  
Blogger Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Snave, She is not a rightie just someone that is tired of Obama's bs and looking around. She has some things in common w/Paul...like some left of center folks do..hating the warmongering, etc..but I am explaining how once a Politician..always a Politician..first and foremost. Plus the whole newsletter issue isn't a new one and it's not 'made up' by the press as she tries to say.

Paul appeals to folks that don't look too deep or are not real informed on the issues and where the Pol's vote and/or really stand on the major issues.

We all know they will say anything on ye olde campaign trail and do a 180 if elected.

December 25, 2011 at 5:55 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

well I will give the Bush Policy this,it gave Obama free pass to start other wars and kill innocent people all without scrutiny.
Bush should have taken those steroids out of his desk drawer before he left

December 26, 2011 at 11:05 AM  

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