EXCLUSIVE: Inside Report from Republican Leaders’ Retreat

As you probably know, the Republican leadership has gathered at a weekend retreat to lick their wounds, grumble about the Liberal Media and try to figure out how to reach out to women, minorities and those worthless losers who earn less than $800,000 a year.

And what would be the ideal place to talk about the womenfolk and the Nigra problem?  Why, on the grounds of  a former plantation in southern Virginia, of course — the Kingsmill Resort in Williamsburg.  Ah, the good old days when them colored folks knew their place.

A seminar titled “Successful communication with minorities and women” was held in the Burwell Plantation Room.

In other topics, the GOP leadership all agreed that teachers should be armed.  Now keep in mind, teachers are just a bunch of lazy overpaid bureaucrats who are trying to undermine the role of God and the family — and they need to be armed to the teeth.

But enough with the political drivel.  It’s time to kick back and enjoy some exclusive photos from inside the Republicans’ retreat.

The hired help put on a little show to entertain the GOP leaders.  John Boehner was so deeply moved, he spilled whiskey all over the buffet table.  Or maybe it was tears of nostalgia.

James Dobson gave a live demonstration of his new plan for restoring family values and bringing God back into our daily lives.

Each and every Republican at the retreat was required to get down on his/her knees and, uh, pay their respects to their sugar daddies.

This last photo was a little awkward to arrange.  After all, the only reason Republicans keep getting elected is by conning millions of gullible non-wealthy Americans into voting against their own interests.  And most of these gullible voters are not, shall we say, worthy, of being admitted to such an exclusive gathering.  But after some delicate negotiations, it was finally agreed that a few members of the party base could come inside for a photo op.