Who Hijacked Our Country

Friday, January 18, 2013

EXCLUSIVE: Inside Report from Republican Leaders’ Retreat

As you probably know, the Republican leadership has gathered at a weekend retreat to lick their wounds, grumble about the Liberal Media and try to figure out how to reach out to women, minorities and those worthless losers who earn less than $800,000 a year.

And what would be the ideal place to talk about the womenfolk and the Nigra problem?  Why, on the grounds of  a former plantation in southern Virginia, of course — the Kingsmill Resort in Williamsburg.  Ah, the good old days when them colored folks knew their place.

A seminar titled “Successful communication with minorities and women” was held in the Burwell Plantation Room.

In other topics, the GOP leadership all agreed that teachers should be armed.  Now keep in mind, teachers are just a bunch of lazy overpaid bureaucrats who are trying to undermine the role of God and the family — and they need to be armed to the teeth.

But enough with the political drivel.  It’s time to kick back and enjoy some exclusive photos from inside the Republicans’ retreat.

The hired help put on a little show to entertain the GOP leaders.  John Boehner was so deeply moved, he spilled whiskey all over the buffet table.  Or maybe it was tears of nostalgia.

James Dobson gave a live demonstration of his new plan for restoring family values and bringing God back into our daily lives.

Each and every Republican at the retreat was required to get down on his/her knees and, uh, pay their respects to their sugar daddies.

This last photo was a little awkward to arrange.  After all, the only reason Republicans keep getting elected is by conning millions of gullible non-wealthy Americans into voting against their own interests.  And most of these gullible voters are not, shall we say, worthy, of being admitted to such an exclusive gathering.  But after some delicate negotiations, it was finally agreed that a few members of the party base could come inside for a photo op.

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Anonymous S.W. Anderson said...

Some really good, sharp satire there, Tom. But it's hard to top what the Republican geniuses who booked this confab into a former plantation did to themselves.

What I'd like to know about this event is whether one of these was the door prize.

January 18, 2013 at 11:06 PM  
Blogger Jefferson's Guardian said...

Tom, the "insider" photos from the event were priceless -- totally on par with the Romney 47% video.

Thanks for the laughs!

January 19, 2013 at 7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here we go again with the reachout to the minorities again, and only when they lose. They only make a half assed effort anyway (especially with Allen West, Herman Cain. and others gone) now they will do the tried and true: go after voters rights and scare their faithful!

You heard it here


January 20, 2013 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

SW: LOL. Some of those Republicans would probably put a lawn jockey in their front yard and then wonder what all the fuss is about.

JG: Thanks.

Erik: Plan A -- pander to minorities. Plan B -- don't let them vote.

January 20, 2013 at 4:07 PM  

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