Louisiana Republicans: Hurricane Katrina Disaster was Obama’s Fault

There are only two possible explanations for this:

1. Louisiana Republicans have some incredible inter-dimensional powers and they’ve managed to transcend the space-time continuum that inhibits the rest of us.  Or:

2. They’re just not very bright.

According to a poll taken by Public Policy Polling, twenty-eight percent of Louisiana Republicans said then-President George W. Bush was to blame for the federal government’s disastrous non-response to Hurricane Katrina.  Twenty-nine percent blamed Barack Obama, who was a freshman senator at the time.  And forty-four percent weren’t sure whose fault it was.

But let’s give those poor Louisiana Republicans the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe there’s a third possibility.  It’s not the Louisiana GOP that has these scary occult powers:  it’s President Obama!

Think about it.  Barack Obama has already dazzled the world with his occult wizardry.  While he was living in that remote tribal region of Kenya where he was born, he was able to materialize an authentic-looking American birth certificate.  And then he used his Voodoo spells to hypnotize millions of Americans into voting for him.

And now, apparently, when Barack Obama was a freshman senator during the summer of 2005, he cast a spell on the entire Bush Administration; hypnotized them into sitting there with their thumbs up their asses while New Orleans drowned.

But I’m still leaning toward Possibility #2.

Barack Obama: a Threat to Big Business

There are exceptions; not everyone in the business community is threatened by Obama.

Paul Volcker, former Federal Reserve Chairman, endorsed him last month. And Obama has been consulting with Warren Buffett and international financier Robert Wolf. Wolf said “When I sat down with him, I found him to be unbelievably refreshing and smart and thoughtful.”

One Democratic strategist said “He's been pretty clear that business would have a seat at the table, but business wouldn't be able to buy all the chairs." Communist!

No wonder the U.S. Chamber of Commerce has given Obama the lowest rating of the three White House contenders. They gave McCain an 80% favorable rating; Hillary Clinton got 67%; Obama got 55%.

The National Association of Manufacturers (not that they're partisan or anything) gave a zero rating to Clinton and Obama; McCain got 100%.

Here are some of the reasons the Good Ol’ Boy Network doesn’t want Obama:

He sponsored a bill that would give shareholders (i.e. the owners of the company) a nonbinding proxy vote on executive pay.

He also voted for a free trade agreement with Peru which would include protections for Peruvian workers and the local environment. What?!?!?!? God created those Peruvian peasants for American businessmen to exploit!

And that’s not all: Obama might amend NAFTA (North American Free Trade Agreement) to include environmental and workers’ protections.

What's-His-Face’s Final (God Willing) State of the Union Speech

OK, the spoiled pampered scion of the Bush Crime Family squirmed and squinted through his final (IF there’s a god) State of the Union Speech. We've heard it all before — the soundbites about “socialized medicine,” the gory things those swarthy primitive turrists will do to us if we don’t allow a few trillion-dollar telecom companies to be above the law, etc.

The counterpoint speech by Kathleen Sebelius wasn’t riveting, but she made some excellent points. I lost count of how many times she said “let’s get to work” and “join us Mr. President,” but if you’ve gotta use soundbites, those are good ones.

She seems to be following Obama’s tactic (George Will calls it “Obama-ism”) of using unifying phrases (“I’m here as an American, not as a Democrat”) instead of “us against them” and “those #$%&!#$#%&$#$!!!”

And that’s a good thing. For twenty years, every election has been nothing but name-calling and slandering, starting with the late-and-unlamented Lee Willie Horton Atwater during GHW Bush’s 1988 campaign. And the shitslinging has gotten worse with each successive election. As long as a politician is gonna give us platitudes, these platitudes might as well be unifying and all-encompassing instead of “those dirty #$%&!”

John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton all based their campaigns on positive upbeat rhetoric. It worked for them. I haven’t exactly been glued to the primaries and all the election pandering (booorrrring!!!!) but it seems like Obama is the only candidate who's risen above the “if my opponent wins, we’re fucked!” rhetoric.

Let’s hope the positive messages of Barack Obama and Kathleen Sebelius will bring some positive changes to America so we can get rid of those motherfuckin’ shiteating — er, uhh…[Positive! Upbeat!]…let me rephrase that…

Dick Cheney: Eight More Years

Well, not Dick Cheney exactly. But if Rudy Giuliani gets into the White House, he wants his vice president to be someone like Cheney.

Giuliani was answering questions from voters in New Hampshire, and one of them asked who would be Secretary of State in his administration. His answer was:

“Let me 9/11 answer with the 9/11 question of what you 9/11 would look for in a 9/11 vice president first — again without any 9/11 presumption that I'm 9/11 going to be the nominee. A vice president 9/11 has to be a partner in the 9/11 administration. The vice president has to know 9/11 everything that's going on, just in case 9/11 the vice president has to step in at a moment's notice.”

He said he spoke with Cheney on September 11, 2001 and felt that the vice president “had a sense that he knew what he was doing.”

Giuliani also said he might choose his current White House rivals to serve in his cabinet. There's something to look forward to: President Giuliani, and the top cabinet posts being held by Mitt Romney, John McCain, Mike Huckabee…

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With Barack Obama winning in Iowa, the attack is on. Mitt Romney said: “Did you listen to Barack Obama? He is a new face, but gosh when you listen to what comes out of his mouth. It’s like, ‘We're going to just get our troops out of Iraq.’ Have you thought about the consequences?”

Well, Asswipe, that’s pretty much how we got INTO Iraq, isn't it? Were you thinking about “the consequences” then?

Oh, that’s right, there'll be a bloodbath if we pull out of Iraq. If we pull out now, there'll be a bloodbath. If we pull out in 900 years there'll be a bloodbath. Well, as the Great Ronald Reagan once said: “If it takes a bloodbath, let’s get it over with.”

Congressional Democrats: Do Something or Get the F#$&#$#! Out

E.J. Dionne has a blunt message for our Democratic “leaders” in Congress. He also has some sympathy for their self-created dilemma. Yes, it’s hell to be a spineless boneless jellyfish.

As he puts it: “Republicans chortle as they block Democratic initiatives — and accuse the majority of being unable to govern. Rank-and-filers are furious their leaders can't end the Iraq war.”

The Democrats can't pass any legislation because Republicans keep stalling their bills with one parliamentary move after another. This fact by itself should be a PR advantage for the Democrats. But as usual, they just lie back and let the Republican Spin Machine paint them into a corner. “Tax and spend,” “they don’t support our troops,” “nanny state,” yada yada yada.

Republicans seem to know zillions of obscure parliamentary rules that can be invoked on every possible occasion. “It’s Tuesday and we haven’t had lunch yet. Section 37D Paragraph 24 clearly states…”

So why can't the Democrats do this? Congressional Republicans had Clinton practically paralyzed during the last six years of his presidency. What do they know that the Democrats don’t know? Or maybe they have spines and the Democrats don’t.

Dionne says: “In an ideal world, Democrats would pass a lot of legislation that Bush would either have to sign or veto. The president would have to take responsibility for his choices.”

Fortunately for Dumbya, his Congressional drones are protecting him from any personal responsibility. Since they keep most legislation from even getting to his desk, he can just sit there spilling whiskey and learning songs about Condi. (Bonus Question: Name the Tom Waits song alluded to in the previous sentence.)

And the Democrats’ razor-thin majority in the Senate isn't helped when Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Chris Dodd and Barack Obama are too busy running for president to be bothered with their mundane jobs in the Senate.

No wonder people are fed up with the two party system. Oh, there're some differences between the two. On the right we have a bunch of stormtroopers marching in lockstep. On the left, a bunch of spineless blobs call out “how high sir?” whenever the stormtroopers say “Jump!” And jumping without a spine ain't easy.

Do the Democrats stand a chance in 2008? According to Dionne, this is what they have to do:

“House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid should ...use the Christmas break to come up with a joint program for 2008. They could start with the best ideas from their presidential candidates in areas such as health care, education, cures for the ailing economy and poverty-reduction. Agree to bring the same bills to a vote in both houses. Try one more time to change the direction of Iraq policy. If Bush and the Republicans block their efforts, bring all these issues into the campaign. Let the voters break the gridlock.”

cross-posted at Bring It On!