Struggling Americans Worse Off Than Ever

Hat Tip to Port Book & News, Port Angeles, WA for displaying this horrifying story on their daily chalkboard today:

“According to a report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Labor, skyrocketing consumer prices coupled with stagnant wages have forced many Americans to work a fourth shift in another dimension in order to make ends meet.

The extra-dimensional shift, which occurs on a time axis at right angles to that of normal reality, allows American workers to supplement their incomes, while still maintaining the morning, afternoon, and overnight shifts they need in order to stave off bankruptcy.

The maximum 24 hours of possible work time offered by our plane of existence is simply not enough to provide a living wage in the current economic climate.”

…from the Onion.

And don’t forget to catch the Onion News Network, premiering this Friday on IFC.