Who Hijacked Our Country

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Struggling Americans Worse Off Than Ever

Hat Tip to Port Book & News, Port Angeles, WA for displaying this horrifying story on their daily chalkboard today:

“According to a report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Labor, skyrocketing consumer prices coupled with stagnant wages have forced many Americans to work a fourth shift in another dimension in order to make ends meet.

The extra-dimensional shift, which occurs on a time axis at right angles to that of normal reality, allows American workers to supplement their incomes, while still maintaining the morning, afternoon, and overnight shifts they need in order to stave off bankruptcy.

The maximum 24 hours of possible work time offered by our plane of existence is simply not enough to provide a living wage in the current economic climate.”

…from the Onion.

And don’t forget to catch the Onion News Network, premiering this Friday on IFC.


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6 Comments:

Blogger J. Marquis said...

And I heard some of those fourth dimension jobs are being moved to the fifth dimension where the dominant species will work for less than nothing.

January 16, 2011 at 8:23 PM  
Blogger Suzan said...

So that's where the jobs are.

Now, if only I could afford the freight.

Thanks, amico!

S

January 17, 2011 at 8:25 AM  
Blogger jadedj said...

Yes, and I suspect that because these workers are part-time 4th dimensional...the benefits still suck.

January 17, 2011 at 10:32 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

J: Damn it, I knew this would happen! Those lazy workers in the 4th dimension kept on whining about wages and benefits and safe working conditions, and now they've priced themselves out of a job.

Suzan: That's where the jobs are at the moment; until they move on to the 5th dimension, then the 6th, 7th...

jadedj: Nope, no benefits in the 4th dimension, and none of them sissy safety regulations either.

January 17, 2011 at 1:31 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

Just like Jon Stewart, the Onion is a far more reliable source of media than any of the so-called non-comical ones.

January 17, 2011 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Susan: You're right; sometimes the satire sites are the canaries in the coal mine. They're not saying what the Powers That Be are telling them to say.

January 17, 2011 at 4:24 PM  

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