Prison-Industrial Complex Employee of the Quarter: Mark Kirk

Or, if you aren’t a member of the Prison-Industrial Complex, you’d probably nominate Congressman Mark Kirk (R-Illinois) for Shitstain of the Year.

With all of the overwhelming mind-numbing problems we’re facing — global financial meltdown, health insurance meltdown, being quagmired in two wars (or is it three now?) — what does Mark Kirk think our biggest problem is? You guessed it — Prison sentences are too lenient for people who smoke marijuana.

And Mark “Short Eyes” Kirk isn’t just talking the talk. He’s introducing legislation to require a 25-year prison sentence for anyone selling or “distributing” marijuana that has a THC content of 15% or higher. And this includes first time offenders.

If you’ve smoked marijuana before (fess up!), you know that most pot isn’t sold by a wicked drug kingpin who eats children and pets for breakfast. A joint gets passed around at a party. A friend asks you if you have a spare joint or two until tomorrow. That’s Distributing. Twenty-five years!

While you’re wondering how a U.S. Congressman could possibly be such a lowly pus-eating douchebag, here’s something else to ponder: He’s already been re-elected to Congress four times.

To paraphrase the Christian saying “hate the sin, not the sinner” — Don’t hate the douchebag in Congress. Hate the retarded slack-jawed vacant-eyed idiots who voted for him. These people give inbreeding a bad name.

If you’d like to e-mail Mark Kirk and tell him what you think of him, here’s how. Even if he can’t read, he probably has a staff member who can.