Tim Pawlenty: “A Better Deal” and the Google Test

How’s that for a riveting campaign slogan? Tim Pawlenty’s “Better Deal” consists of eliminating the estate tax and all taxes on capital gains, interest and dividends; and lowering the corporate tax rate from 35% to 15%. Even better, all government safety/environmental regulations will be automatically “sunsetted” unless Congress votes to renew them.

With these crippling taxes and cumbersome regulations no longer strangling the economy, hardworking Americans will once again be free “to innovate, invest, compete, and create new businesses and jobs.”

This has a sort of eerie familiarity — probably because it’s the same bill of goods Republicans have been selling us since 1980. But hey, let’s keep doing the same thing over and over and over, and maybe this time we’ll get a different result.

And don’t worry about where future revenues will come from after Pawlenty has eliminated everybody’s taxes (except for people who work for a living). He’s got it covered: the Google Test:

“If you can find a good or service on the Internet, then the federal government probably doesn’t need to be doing it. The post office, the government printing office, Amtrak, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, were all built in a time in our country when the private sector did not adequately provide those products. That’s no longer the case.”

Isn’t this great?!?!? The Google Test also means we overburdened taxpayers will no longer need to pay for the military and the weapons they use; law enforcement; fire departments, road construction…

We’re Free!!!

And Texas Governor Rick Perry has his own variation: “Don’t use the Google; ask Jesus.”

On August 6th Rick Perry will be holding a “Day of Prayer and Fasting for our Nation to seek God's guidance.” This sacred event will be held at Reliant Stadium in Houston, and all governors are invited.

On his website, Perry says “Americans must come together and call upon Jesus to guide us through unprecedented struggles because some problems are beyond our power to solve.”

Teabaggers: “Racism? Bigotry? Moi???”

Them liberals are playing the race card again. They keep spreading these vicious rumors, saying us teabaggers hate queers and swarthy minorities.

Rightwing presidential wannabe Tim Pawlenty (R—Bigot) is vowing to reinstate Don’t Ask Don’t Tell if he gets elected. Here is part of a conversation between Pawlenty and Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association (talk about birds of a feather):

Snakehandler: “We just saw the ban on homosexual service in the military repealed, overturned. Conservatives will be working over the next couple of years to see that that ban is reinstated. If you become president in 2012, will you work to reinstate the prohibition on open homosexual service in the military? Would you sign such a prohibition if it got to your desk?”

Fringe Candidate: “Bryan, I have been a public and repeat supporter of maintaining Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. There’s a lot of reasons for that, but if you look at how the combat commanders and the combat units feel about it, the results of those kinds of surveys were different than the ones that were mostly reported in the newspaper and that is something I think we need to pay attention to. But I have been a public supporter of maintaining Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and I would support reinstating it as well.”

Aha! I get it now. Military personnel are actually scared shitless — Petrified! — at the thought of having homosexuals serving in the military, and that damn liberal media is covering this up. They just made up a bunch of phony survey results.

In other news, the Tennessee Teabaggers Union wants to whitewash (literally) the state’s history curriculum. They don’t want textbooks to mention anything about that there “Minority Experience,” whatever in tarnation that might could be.

Attorney Hal Rounds, the group’s spokesman (this numbnuts went to law school???) said his teajobs want to get rid of:

“…an awful lot of made-up criticism about, for instance, the founders intruding on the Indians or having slaves or being hypocrites in one way or another.”

[pshaw] What, them liberal flag-burners are trying to say our ancestors stole land from the Indians?? Owned slaves??? Balderdash!

Now, again, what was all that liberal claptrap about teabaggers being a bunch of racists and bigots?