Attention Wal-Mart Employees: Vote Republican Or Else!

Memo from Management to All Employees:

Your home, your family and your livelihood are riding on the election this November. If George W. Bush doesn’t get elected to a third term (through his Significant Other), everything we’ve worked for will be lost.

If Barack Saddam Hussein Osama gets into the White House, he will force you to join one of those communist Labor Unions!

Of course it’s tempting. The Devil is always using Temptation to seduce the innocent and unwary. And what could be more tempting than higher wages, medical benefits for your loved ones, and a pension? But it’s a trap! Be strong!

We pay you rock bottom wages and treat you like shit Because We Care. By paying you shitty wages and not providing any medical benefits, we’re enabling you to keep your job. We're all you've got, Loser! And just what the hell is wrong with the emergency room anyway, you Fuckin’ Whiner? It’s good enough for your co-workers. Get used to it!

If you lowlifes are allowed to form a union, we’ll be forced to pay you a livable wage and provide medical benefits. And weeee doooooon’t waaaaaant tooooo!!!!! Instead, we’ll just have to eliminate millions of jobs, including yours. This will allow us to continue serving your community and to provide a better workplace for our associates.

So remember: if that union-coddling flagburner gets elected — You’re Fired!

Remember, our Associates are Wal-Mart's most valuable asset. We're all family here.

All right, quit staring at this page and get back to work you no-good sack of pus.

Thank you.

The Management